Hoping to avoid a permanent relationship breakup

[MillyB]

Hello friends 

I've been living with my alleged (non-officially diagnosed but estimated by my own counselors) BPD partner for 3 years. He has extreme anger/temper issues and almost every blow-up is a point of no-relationship return for him.

It's been a long, exhausting, and very painful journey coupled with some very beautiful experiences. It's not all just black and white. When he isn't angry, I LOVE being with him.

I need some help and guidance on how to best communicate with him when he's in one of his moods. I see so much happening and feel helpless because he does not communicate with me and doesn't allow me space to speak and is not willing to listen. He's in complete denial about his own lack of emotional awareness.

He is an older gentleman and I am aware of his suffering. I know he wants/needs someone in his life and I'd be happy to be that person if I could find a better way to cope with his unpredictable outbursts and his extremely controlling and dominating moments.

He tells me he loves me but that he can't live with me and yet I know he needs my help to live... .both physically and financially... .and I need him bc my health challenges do not allow me an independent income. I have spent a lot of time trying to understand him, us, and myself during the course of our relationship.

I don't want to take his abuse personally anymore, but I need some help at how to best engage him back into heart-to-heart communication after an anger episode.

I feel completely lost and I suffer from depression and anxiety.

I'd be grateful for any support, wise advice, and encouragement.

Thank you in advance and blessings all,
MillyB

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi MillyB, 



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that. I completely understand how distressing it feels when our pwBPD isn't listening and is in an angry tirade. Depression and anxiety is tough, I suffer from that as well. I'm glad that you decided to join us, there is hope. You'll find that you'll fit right in here, many of our members can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. You're not alone.

We can try validation or SET sometimes the tools don't always work, all we can is try, I suggest to not subject yourself to one of his angry moods and remove yourself from the situation for a little while, while he calms down.

BPD BEHAVIORS: Anger and Rage.