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Author Topic: Why is he still with her  (Read 600 times)
Gear Jammer

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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: January 31, 2017, 09:37:09 AM »

I know I shouldn't care but I always wonder why the guy that she replaced me with is still with her?

I've known the guy for a few years he's got issues of his own like being a people pleaser the corporation he works for I watched managers push him around. He's a guy that needs to be the center of attention if he gets ignored in a group he will try get the attention on him. I have a feeling he's an NPD just the way he acts.

He's always been a fairly healthy man he does struggle with weight issues but in general he looked his age until he got involved with the BPD. The first year of their relationship he started to change as the relationship progressed his health started to decline you could see the physical effects of stress he was aging himself at a rapid pace. You look at him current day he looks like he is in his late 40s nearing 50 years old his actual age is 34-35 years old.

This man has bent over backwards for her taking her on expensive vacations, giving up on his hobbies just for her. Like I said he's a people pleaser he will put others needs before his that's what he does for her. He used to complain about the stuff she wanted to do but he didn't.

Now she's convinced him or she's forced her way into moving in together after being together for 3.5 years. The both used to complain about if they were together too much they drove each other nuts.

This man is on a death wish I guess he wants to die before he's 40, maybe its his NPD or something they are feeding off each other, his health is declining and hers isn't. The man had goals and dreams he's given it all up for her I don't get it.

I'm living the dream my health is good I'm living the way life should be.

When they first started going out he tried everything to make her happy expensive vacations, buying her stuff, doing what she wanted.
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Ananass

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« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2017, 09:55:15 AM »

I know I shouldn't care but I always wonder why the guy that she replaced me with is still with her?



I'm living the dream my health is good I'm living the way life should be.



I feel like you are trying to compare yourself to the replacement. I had that problem until it was clear that she just wanted me to mind my own business. Not sure how long the new guy will continue pleasing her, but it will eventually fade away. Sometimes I wonder, if we, the nons, are at times so selfish that we do not really wish our exBPDs well, or are we always looking for validation that they were the problem and not us? What they put us through was not enough validation?
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Gear Jammer

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« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2017, 12:23:58 AM »

I feel like you are trying to compare yourself to the replacement. I had that problem until it was clear that she just wanted me to mind my own business. Not sure how long the new guy will continue pleasing her, but it will eventually fade away. Sometimes I wonder, if we, the nons, are at times so selfish that we do not really wish our exBPDs well, or are we always looking for validation that they were the problem and not us? What they put us through was not enough validation?

Nah I'm not really comparing myself to her replacement for me, I know why she went after him it was for money she hasn't stopped using him from the first date. The man is a fool he's the one that never stopped opening up his wallet. I watched her use him over and over I confronted her about it she would get mad at me. One day he hurt himself pretty good he would have benefited of having help while he recovered for a couple days nope she went checked on him came back home to her place. She said he's acting like a big baby wow you are a cold hearted witch.

She treated me differently than she does with him, I don't think he can match her emotional needs he doesn't understand her. I under stood her no I'm not a BPD but I'm always in tune with peoples emotions. From the day we met she was comfortable around me, when I hurt her feelings she got mad she would be really hurt and asked for an apology.

She's well aware she destroys men, she bragged about the damage she did to her previous BF before me. Did she do any damage to me? she did add stress to my already stressful life as I was contending with a lot of BS at work I was suffering from job burnout.

I did end up cutting her off completely she went crazy she didn't like the fact I ended our friendship I got tired of her taking out her unhappiness on me. She was stressed with her BF then when we started fighting she was stress eating she gained quite a bit of weight.

The guy she's with must know he's not doing when I seen him a month ago I just shook my head he wouldn't talk to me. He's never had any success with woman this BPD is his first girl friend, I seen him around woman he couldn't get women to talk to him. Now that she's living with him he's going to be pushed over the edge. You can't put your body though that much stress without serious damage, stress almost killed me.

I'm doing great I've recovered from the stress damage, I'm not dealing with job burnout anymore, I'm moving forward in life. I've heard through the grape vine the BPD ex can't stand it that I'm doing better than she is. I strive to be successful been that way all my life, failure isn't an option.

She's turned her current BF into a 300 pound man he's probably sporting 40 inch plus pants. His blood pressure is high his face is red as a tomato, face full of wrinkles, hair falling out. No man his age should look like that, pretty sad to think I knew what he was before he met her. I seen it unfold over the duration of the relationship when I was around. One day he will be driving to work and end up having a heart attack in his car.

I doubt she will come back around to me she knows what I look like today, back in my prime, healthy and stress free. When she first met me I was run ragged at work I was far from being in prime heath, I didn't like the way I looked, stress takes it's toll.

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SuperJew82
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« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2017, 10:09:39 AM »

It's been years. How come you are still intensely thinking about her and her new relationship? Don't get me wrong, I would think having a quick thought or reminder about her every now and then a few years out is nothing to worry about - but you seem to be having a little trouble detaching from her life.

I'm not sure thinking about this is making you feel that awesome.
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SWLSR
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« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2017, 12:47:51 PM »

Hello Gear Jam

If your ex is truly a BPD then you are caught in a game you can not win and it is where she wants you.  Yes one day her relationship will blow up and the best thing for you is to be as far from as possible.   I have been there and I know it is not easy but don't keep up with her and her status.  And yes the day will come one day and all you need to tell her you don't know and do't care. 
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schwing
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« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2017, 01:25:44 PM »

Hi Gear Jammer and Welcome

I know I shouldn't care but I always wonder why the guy that she replaced me with is still with her?

He's probably with her for reasons similar to your own... .which are similar to the reasons why most of us are/were with our BPD loved ones: because they were able to give what we believe we needed (or at least the illusion of what we needed) emotionally.


... .You look at him current day he looks like he is in his late 40s nearing 50 years old his actual age is 34-35 years old.
... .This man is on a death wish I guess he wants to die before he's 40, maybe its his NPD or something they are feeding off each other, his health is declining and hers isn't.

I gather that one of the reasons why you decided no longer to be with your BPDex was because being with her caused you such stress that it affected you in ways you did not like.  Certainly it's having this effect on her new attachment.

But why were you with her?

Perhaps she is also able to give him something that, for him, makes it worthwhile to tolerate all the stress he is currently under?

You wouldn't fault someone for making a choice different from yours, would you?

Best wishes,

Schwing
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Kelli Cornett
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« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2017, 06:27:54 PM »

You really don't sound over this.


She shouldn't really be your concern. They are both adults making their own choices.

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Ronald E Cornett, Kelli Cornet, Kelley Lyne Freeman,

kellicornett@hotmail.com, kelfreemanfreeman@aol.com, kelleyfree@yahoo.com
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« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2017, 08:56:57 PM »

You really don't sound over this.


She shouldn't really be your concern. They are both adults making their own choices.



Um, nobody on this site is "over this"... .hence, this site. 
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Gear Jammer

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« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2017, 12:35:00 AM »

Ya I'm over her, we've been apart as friends for 2 years I ended it when she kept taking her unhappiness out on me. She treated me differently than she does with her current BF, I stood up to her didn't let her walk all over me. When I said no I meant no, she was manipulative but I was just as manipulative back. She seemed to like the fact that I was the dominant one in the relationship, she was surprisingly submissive.

The only time she caused the most trouble in my life when I cut her off I ended our friendship she wanted to see me pay for it. I've read some horror stories of scorned BPDs I'm glad she didn't get me thrown in jail. She did try ruin my reputation and she forced me out of me out of the career I was involved in at the time. She said I hurt her feelings, but her wanting to see somebody else was okay in her books but wanted to stay friends with me.

I doubt she will come back, even when I was tired and haggard looking I still had women approaching me all the time. She couldn't stand it, she would get jealous, today I'm far from tired and haggard looking she will feel she's not good enough.

The thing holding her back from wanting to talk to me again is a stipulation at the place she works that she can never contact me. If she contacts me it would be proof that she was lying long story short her employment would be terminated. She cost the corporation a ton of money it probably cost in the thousands of dollars. The biggest thing she is scared of is losing her job.

As I said I'm still bewildered that this guy hasn't kicked her out of his life he's got to see and feel the physical effects. He's got to be mentally damaged by now this guy was sharp as a tack he was witty had a good sense of humor.
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SuperJew82
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« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2017, 09:16:41 AM »

I think we should be over "them" relatively soon, but it can take a lot of work and time to be over "this" ( our issues )
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