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Author Topic: Is she gone for good?  (Read 617 times)
alwayswrong4

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 23


« on: February 20, 2017, 09:44:28 PM »

It seems my ex BPD gf is moving out of Illinois to florida to be with her family. She moved out of ny place into a friends a little over three months ago. Her friend was my friends exgf and I'm sure she would trash me all the time... the question is now... without her minions will she reach out to me... she reached out the other day and 3 or 4 other times since we broke up. Even showed up ato a party she knew I would be at...

I'm having a hard time figuring out why she wants to see or talk to me... all she does is try to get sympathy out of me and takes an emotional ___ on me... I didn't respond to her last request to see me... she disguised it as her wanting to buy a bed from me before she moved ( I own a mattress store and she worked with me til we broke up) and get her mail (that she had three months to get). I can't risk breaking no contact... it brings me back several steps having her ___ on me emotionally...

If she could just come out of the shadows and be real with me maybe we could work it out but I don't think her disorder is going to allow her to do it... I think she's leaving this week... I wonder if she'll try one more time before she leaves? If not I wonder of she'll continue contacting me from Florida. So far she hasn't gone more than 3 weeks without reaching out to me...   but she never tells me what I want to hear. I don't get it... I'm sad :,(
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rfriesen
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 478


« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2017, 02:47:09 AM »

Hi always 

I'm having a hard time figuring out why she wants to see or talk to me

These relationships can produce a lot of confusion, often because the pwBPD does not have stable feelings and desires. She might want to see you and talk to you for any number of reasons that come into her mind and then leave it.

Excerpt

I can't risk breaking no contact... it brings me back several steps

In that case, does it matter why she wants to see or talk with you? Are you prepared to maintain no contact even if she does reach out? Or are you saying you simply don't want to be the one who reaches out?

Excerpt
If she could just come out of the shadows and be real with me maybe we could work it out but I don't think her disorder is going to allow her to do it... I think she's leaving this week... I wonder if she'll try one more time before she leaves? If not I wonder of she'll continue contacting me from Florida. So far she hasn't gone more than 3 weeks without reaching out to me...   but she never tells me what I want to hear. I don't get it... I'm sad :,(

We know what you're going through. It is sad. It's hard. Hoping they'll "just come out of the shadows" ... .I can relate to that. But, as you suspect, it simply might not be possible for her. How do you feel about the possibility of accepting that?
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alwayswrong4

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 23


« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2017, 09:28:18 AM »

Hi always 

These relationships can produce a lot of confusion, often because the pwBPD does not have stable feelings and desires. She might want to see you and talk to you for any number of reasons that come into her mind and then leave it.

In that case, does it matter why she wants to see or talk with you? Are you prepared to maintain no contact even if she does reach out? Or are you saying you simply don't want to be the one who reaches out?

We know what you're going through. It is sad. It's hard. Hoping they'll "just come out of the shadows" ... .I can relate to that. But, as you suspect, it simply might not be possible for her. How do you feel about the possibility of accepting that?

Well I accept that it's beyond my control. I had a dream about her last night. We were on vacation and she didn't want to spend anytime with me at all... this happened when we went to Las Vegas about 6 months into our relationship. She spent the entire time with my sister in law and even when I just wanted to spend a few hours with her she complained the entire time. We went on other vacations alone together and never had this problem... it was always all about her. She never cheated on meach physically but I think she did emotionally. There were a lot of good times but I need to just get past it and let go
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hopealways
aka moving4ward
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 725


« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2017, 10:53:09 AM »

The BPD is never gone for good unless you are gone for good. As hard as it may be move on and don't look back. Block her from everywhere.  It took me 5 years but I finally broke free. It is the only way. They never get better.
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SuperJew82
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 301


« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2017, 02:13:37 PM »

I agree NC is the way to go. It took me 1 year. I'm now going on my third month and it's great getting back to my old self. I broke up with her so many times only to have her coming at me at every which way, and I took the bait until the last time.

What is funny is that I'm now looking at my smartphone in the way I used to. Just a way to talk to people. It is no longer a drama filled portal for me to get exploited via messages and texts. I wasn't strong enough to ignore the text so I ended up switching to a phone/service that would make the communication disappear and would not store in a "blocked" folder.

It's funny how the PTSD-inducing "ding" is slowly going away.

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Gear Jammer

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 36


« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2017, 02:12:25 AM »

I agree NC is the way to go. It took me 1 year. I'm now going on my third month and it's great getting back to my old self. I broke up with her so many times only to have her coming at me at every which way, and I took the bait until the last time.

What is funny is that I'm now looking at my smartphone in the way I used to. Just a way to talk to people. It is no longer a drama filled portal for me to get exploited via messages and texts. I wasn't strong enough to ignore the text so I ended up switching to a phone/service that would make the communication disappear and would not store in a "blocked" folder.

It's funny how the PTSD-inducing "ding" is slowly going away.




I had the same thing when I would hear my IPhone ding for a text it was her trying to pick a fight with me. To this day when I get a text I'm always wonder if it is her trying to reach out it hasn't happened than god its been two years since we split.
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