Hi always
I'm having a hard time figuring out why she wants to see or talk to me
These relationships can produce a lot of confusion, often because the pwBPD does not have stable feelings and desires. She might want to see you and talk to you for any number of reasons that come into her mind and then leave it.
I can't risk breaking no contact... it brings me back several steps
In that case, does it matter why she wants to see or talk with you? Are you prepared to maintain no contact even if she does reach out? Or are you saying you simply don't want to be the one who reaches out?
If she could just come out of the shadows and be real with me maybe we could work it out but I don't think her disorder is going to allow her to do it... I think she's leaving this week... I wonder if she'll try one more time before she leaves? If not I wonder of she'll continue contacting me from Florida. So far she hasn't gone more than 3 weeks without reaching out to me... but she never tells me what I want to hear. I don't get it... I'm sad :,(
We know what you're going through. It is sad. It's hard. Hoping they'll "just come out of the shadows" ... .I can relate to that. But, as you suspect, it simply might not be possible for her. How do you feel about the possibility of accepting that?