Wrecked Life

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi, my name is Grace. I live with my mother and my sister. My sister is 16 years old and has BPD traits. She's been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and a list of other things. For 16 years, I have been dealing with her anger and her unpredictability. And honestly, I just can't anymore. I have lost friends, including recently, my best friend after several great years of friendship. With so much pressure from my sister, I ended it. My sister also came between my relationship between me and my ex (boyfriend for 2 years) and I just don't know what to do. My mother spent most of her time on raising my younger sister so I haven't really had the support of others. I have been practically independent since 7th grade. I just, I am struggling so hard here and I just don't know what to do any more. I have dropped out of schooling due to all of the days I've missed due to her and I am nervous I am going to lose my job. My health is super bad and I just can't even handle life some days. I feel selfish about wanting to leave them all behind and just leave tonight. I just feel like a complete and utter failure.

[grace99]

Hi, my name is Grace. I live with my mother and my sister. My sister is 16 years old and has BPD traits. She's been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and a list of other things. For 16 years, I have been dealing with her anger and her unpredictability. And honestly, I just can't anymore. I have lost friends, including recently, my best friend after several great years of friendship. With so much pressure from my sister, I ended it. My sister also came between my relationship between me and my ex (boyfriend for 2 years) and I just don't know what to do. My mother spent most of her time on raising my younger sister so I haven't really had the support of others. I have been practically independent since 7th grade. I just, I am struggling so hard here and I just don't know what to do any more. I have dropped out of schooling due to all of the days I've missed due to her and I am nervous I am going to lose my job. My health is super bad and I just can't even handle life some days. I feel selfish about wanting to leave them all behind and just leave tonight. I just feel like a complete and utter failure.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Grace99:  
I'm sorry you are having a tough time with your sister.  It can be very disturbing to deal with someone who is angry and unpredictable. Is your sister getting some form of treatment?  

Sounds like your mom is ignoring you.  :)oes your mom have any mental health issues?  Have you been able to talk to your mom about the difficulties you are having?

You say your sister pressured you to end your friendship with your best friend and then was the cause of you losing your boyfriend.  Could she have been jealous? Perhaps you can try to patch things up with your friend.  It wouldn't be optimum, but you could just not discuss your friend with your sister.  Perhaps you could meet up at your friend's house?

Have you ever tried to set some BOUNDARIES in regard to your sister?  Boundaries are for you and your sanity.  You sister doesn't have to agree with your boundaries and they are up to you to enforce.

I am struggling so hard here and I just don't know what to do any more. I have dropped out of schooling due to all of the days I've missed due to her and I am nervous I am going to lose my job. My health is super bad and I just can't even handle life some days. I feel selfish about wanting to leave them all behind and just leave tonight. I just feel like a complete and utter failure.  

Is there anyone else you can stay with (father, other family member, etc.?)  What's going on with your health right now?  Are you seeing a doctor?

You are not a failure.  You can come back from this situation and things can get better.  :)o you have anyone right now that you can talk to?   Do you live in the US?

If you live in the US, the resources below could be helpful.  They offer help and possible resources to anyone who is in distress and needs a person to talk with (you don't have to be suicidal).  

SUICIDE PREVENTION
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

TEXT CRISIS LINE
www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/

You can't change your sister.  What you can do is learn to set some boundaries and use some communication skills to help deal with your sister.  You can make things better for you by changing the way you interact with your sister and how you react to her.  

What are some boundaries you might want to set with your sister?  I'm thinking you might want to prevent your sister from interfering with your personal relationships.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Grace99, 

I'm really glad you came to our online family and thank you for sharing some of your story with us. We are a large online family here, and we have so many members who can totally relate to the struggles you have been through and are currently going through. I have a hug for you, to encourage you to keep going and to let you know that we care. 

Are you older than your sister? Sounds like she has been extremely disruptive to your life and that you feel controlled by her. Can you explain to me a bit more about why you felt you had to end this close friendship you had recently? In what way did your 16 year old sister pressure you to feel that you had to end your friendship and what were her reasons? That is so sad, and I feel sad for you.

So tell me about you. What types of things do you enjoy doing for hobbies and healthiness? I like being outside a lot, something that really helped me during all the years of growing up under an uBPDm.  Are you able to work full time and get there on your own?

There is a great list to the right of the screen. --------------->>  If you click on any of the tips, a larger window will open up with more information. Please take a look at the "Lessons" portion near the top of the list when you are able. I think you will find some helpful information there.

Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.

 
Wools