Hello tigertwin, It seems you care about this friend and the situation is causing you concern? It would be great if you could share the details, just to give some persepective. But as to your question about abandonment. Someone with even just traits of BPD, emotions run high, and out of control often. But they handle them internally, so we don't see much if the inner turmoil. They as a result don't handle logical interactions and situations as rationally as some people. What they see as an insult or judgement could "feel" like the worst possible outcome while we thought we were having a playful joke. Being left out of an important decision or their own perceived failure can make them FEEL abandoned, so they pull away first.
One thing to keep in mind, is that often their reactions and comments have nothing to do with you, which sounds strange. They are perceiving or feeling things in a different and clumsy way. How they deal with it outwardly is just as clumsy.mit is often unwarranted, such as painting younblack without much explanation or reasons. Makes you feel so confused and wondering what the heck just happnened right?
This board is geared more towards family and romantic relationships and BPD. But I've give you a link to read a little bit an might help in talking to your friend. Let us know what you think ok?
https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating