Hi, Turkish!
Yes, we do spend a lot of time together. We live about 8 miles apart from each other but see each other daily, usually for dinner and spend the evening together before he goes back to his apartment around 9. We go out, to church, take care of each other when we're sick, that sort of thing.
Thanks for the link to the lessons. I will go and explore there.
I struggle most with knowing how to set, express, and enforce healthy boundaries although I have improved in this area a lot in the past few years. I also struggle with feeling like "the rug's been pulled out from under me" yet again when I discover more dishonesty (to me and to others about me) and when he starts trying to manipulate me. Sometimes I feel like I literally have no idea how to respond appropriately, that is, in a way that helps me not be drawn in to his drama vortex and yet is still kind and respectful. He often expresses that his biggest struggle is with controlling his escalating emotions and irrational thinking. He often comes up with very strange ideas about me (he decided that I was a witch a few months ago, that I had acromegaly -- which our daughter had -- that I'm plotting against him in some way or other, that I drink mouthwash, that different people hate him/are jealous of him/are out to get him in some way, that sort of thing) and makes up elaborate stories about these ideas in which he takes random incidences and blows them up into, to his mind, "proof" that these ideas are true. When he reports them to his therapist (not sure if he's making this up as well) she asks him if he still thinks that particular thing is true. He says 'no', she says well, that's okay then, and moves on. What the what? I struggle even writing these things down because I know how bizarre it all sounds. I have had SO much trouble getting people who know us both to believe what he actually can be like when no-one else is around. His bait-and-switch tactics have caused havoc in our family. I am seen by most family members as being the "bad guy" because my husband is very charming and adept at getting sympathy, particularly when he is telling lies, and I insist on truth-telling and also personal responsibility for myself. That is, I won't take responsibility for his behavior, only my own. This is not a popular stance with some of our kids (we have six grown) who think his inappropriate behavior and even his illness is my fault. On the other hand, most people who DO believe me think I am at fault for not leaving him. There seems to be little room for the idea that it just might be okay for us to be trying to work through this together and that I don't want to abandon him over this particular illness any more than I would over any other chronic illness. He is also a generous, talented, often kind person who has a good heart when his brain chemistry isn't basically turning him into a monster and whom I happen to love. Does any of this sound familiar to any of you out there?
Okay ... .over to Lesson 1.
Thanks.
Ava
