Thank you Kells. I could not have done this without you and the others’ support and advice over the past few years. I needed to understand these situations inside and out to get this right and I felt like it all came together and I got everything right in that moment. I believe that you need so much support and training and I could not have stood up to w a few years ago. I minimised the chaos by giving D4 a supportive statement rather than directly arguing with w.
I did briefly justify things to w. She needed to be reassured that the homework was appropriate and good enough for a 4 year old. I know that reassurance is invalidating. Of course she doesn’t like it when I speak from a professional perspective, so I did not mention that. But I believe she needed to hear it, she just wouldn’t admit it. She grew up being told and shown she wasn’t “good enough”. Passive aggressive example: her mother used to colour in pictures perfectly and donate them to a local children’s ward! W would do her own pictures but they weren’t “good enough” to be donated. Omg the irony, where people actually would generally prefer to see pictures coloured in by a child imperfectly! To this day, my wife is terrified of doing anything creative and wildly jealous that I can sit and create whatever I want, not saying I’m talented but years working with children and it’s something I tend to enjoy, but w has asked me not to be creative as she feels it shows her up. I know we have more challenges ahead and I’m ready for it!
W announced that she will be doing all of the homework duties from now on. She has always announced that she would be in charge of this. Apparently I should have suggested w did the homework with D4. But I knew that w had already decided she didn’t know how to support this activity and needed me to show her. Anyway, I didn’t argue with this announcement and I’ll be working at that time usually. But I’ve learnt there’s no point challenging it when she says things like this, she does mean it, but will often go back on what she said. Example: she also said that D4 would be erasing the picture and starting again. It didn’t happen, the picture is being submitted to the teacher tomorrow.
I didn’t mention the other thing I know from a professional perspective, which is that the teacher will be particularly impressed with any 4 year old children (and indeed their parents!) who actually managed to get their first homework assignment done!
