GF broke up with me suddenly

[PeterGrapeson]

My girlfriend of 2 and a half years suddenly broke up with me 3 days ago. We were in a long distance relationship and had visited each other 2 times in the last year. She was gonna travel to see me in around 6 months but obviously now that will likely not happen.

3 days ago I woke up and checked for messages from her and she had blocked me on multiple platforms. On my one remaining way of contacting her I sent a few messages asking if she was ok because she had never done this before. I didn't hear anything for hours and I was so worried I even contacted her Mother. Didn't get a reply until the evening and I had spent the whole day worrying what on earth was going on.

She finally sent me a message but it was not what I wanted to read. She said that if I hadn't worked it out by now that our relationship is over. She said I'm not the man she thought I was and it had been done for her for a while. The strangest part of this was she pointed to one argument we had nearly a year ago as the reason. I had to think back because it was so long ago and I eventually remembered what she was talking about. It was an argument which we resolved in less than hour, at least I thought we did. According to her all this time she was lying to me and trying to get past it but from that day she knew I wasn't the one she wanted to be with. Again this was nearly a year ago and she hasn't mentioned it once between then and now. I tried to reply but after a few messages basically telling me she doesn't love me she said goodbye and blocked me.

This whole situation is very confusing to me and I'm still in shock. We were deep into planning her next trip here and were only a couple weeks from booking flights. The night before she did this she told me she missed me and messages and calls had been normal until this day. She told me she loved me all the time and I told her I loved her. We had talked about getting married and moving in together. I'm not really buying the reason she is giving for this and I feel like there's something she's not telling me. Whether or not I'll ever find out I don't know because obviously right now I have no way to contact her. I just can't quite believe she did it in the first place and how cold she was in doing it. It was almost as if I was messaging a different person. I don't really know what to do now because my life has been flipped upside down and I feel horrible all the time.

Don't know if anyone else has had a similar experience but I'm just a confused and heartbroken man not knowing what to do right now.

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[kells76]

Hi and a warm

That sounds like a shocking experience to go through -- you genuinely thought everything was fine up until the night before being blocked. I'm sorry you've been going through that; it sounds like a gut punch.

Other members here have gone through similar situations, so you're not alone. While there are no guarantees about how things will turn out, I do see that you're posting here on the "Bettering a relationship" board, so am I tracking that you would like to reconnect with her?

She's sending a big message right now and (whether any of us think it's valid or not) likely feels deeply hurt. My first thought is to find a way, either on your own, here, and/or with a therapist/counselor, to work with your shock and heartbreak as you wait to see if/when she'll respond. Generally, people put up big walls like mass blocking, trying to get through those walls "confirms" to them how right they were to block. Maybe something felt out of control to her, and she wants to "be in the driver's seat" right now. It may be that the least bad option you have at present is to give her the space that she is demanding (albeit demanding in a low-skilled way) and allow her to set the pace for any reconnection.

Hard situation to be in, for sure.

What's your support system like right now? Friends? Family? Therapist? Activities you like to do for yourself? Lean into that as much as you can. We're happy to be part of that for you, too.

[PeterGrapeson]

Hi and thank you for taking the time to reply.

I genuinely thought that everything was perfectly fine and nothing she said or did was unusual leading up to the day she ended it. It was the biggest shock of my life when I was suddenly being blocked everywhere by the person I love most in the world.

I'm not 100% sure what I want right now. I have friends who I have been talking to and most of them say that it is a good thing that this has happened and I should stay away because it shows what type of person she is. Most of them do not know that she has BPD though. I can't just switch off my feelings overnight and less than a week ago I thought this was the woman I was gonna marry. It's just very confusing how she can be telling me she loves me every day and then suddenly tell me it's been over in her head for a while.

I think all I really want right now is to talk to her. Whether that leads to getting back together or not is not important. She just threw all this on my suddenly one day and blocked me before I even had time to process it and respond. If I'm being honest I think it's incredibly unfair to do what she did in the way she did and it hurts that she couldn't talk to me considering all that we have been through to get where we were.