Hello everyone

[MomofTempest]

Hello, I am the mother of a teenage daughter who has had multiple diagnoses that never quite fit.  Within the last 6 months BPD has been mentioned as what she is being presumed to have and her therapy has been proceeding with that in mind. The more I read about it it is so obvious that it describes her exactly. I'm looking forward to reading what others have gone before me down this path know and what the advice they can give is.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ForeverDad]

Dialectical or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (DBT or CBT) are often mentioned as most helpful.  I have the impression that therapists don't seem to give a name to their therapy, but I suspect that's what they're using.

Generally minors are not quickly diagnosed as Borderline since a lot of teen behaviors can reflect some of those BPD traits but in many cases resolve themselves over time as the person matures.  Having experienced therapists is very helpful.

Yet you didn't fail as parents since Borderline is a disorder most evident in - and most impacting to - close relationships but the person can't/won't get past the emotional baggage of the close relationship to truly listen to you.  (People in peripheral contact or at a distance are not as impacted or may only notice that something is '"off".)

Hence the benefit of having therapists who are not emotionally invested.  While success is not guaranteed, positive responses are more likely.

[Ourworld]

Hi MomofTempest,

Cute name! I am not really sure why psychiatrists cannot diagnose BPD until a child is 18, since their symptoms begin to show as clingy and they avoid and do not communicate well with their peers when they are young, they are only considered shy and as long as they have high intelligence (another factor of BPD) they are ignored.

At age 11 my husband left us suddenly just calling to inform me he wasn’t coming home (traveled for work and had an affair), a few years later I was informed that he passed in a vehicle accident (but never even told our daughter because I did not think she cared). I had made it a point to send him Return-receipt letters a couple of times asking him to continue to visit her; which he ignored. But I did this hoping she would not blame me.

Well, her BPD kicked in noticeably when she started high school. She has a genius IQ, so her BPD is the high-functioning silent type.
She totally cut me off after college once she was 27 and married(done in secret)! Last year she left her mentally-challenged husband of 12 years and is now 39 and was bound and determined to get her life back!

There is hope, but it’s a long roller-coaster ride, so hold on!she did get treatment at age 39 and sounds very positive with good self-esteem on her LinkIn post!

Of course she blames me for EVERYTHING that has ever happened in her life, and the mindset now is if someone makes you uncomfortable in any way, you should just cut them out your life! So, I don’t know for certain if she will contact me, I’m hoping the parent-child bond wins out as she heals!

Stay close and supportive of your daughter while you can, I know this helped mine. I never suspected any mental type issues going on since this was not a part of my family or life, so she never went to any type of counseling.

I think that since BPD has a genetic component that comes out if they endure any childhood trauma, although they won’t diagnose it until they’re 18, and by then it’s going really roaring its ugly head!
But until 18 they just need to outgrow it and get treatment when they are ready anyway as an adult. I’m not sure if getting them any treatment when they are younger helps.

But there are several here who can talk about that much better than me, but if you’re already seeing signs of the trauma that brings out BPD it could be worth it I suppose.

Take Care, OurWorld