The truth does hurt

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I've posted often about Xw' s hate for my family. How Xw said my sister wouldn't talk to her, I never saw it, would question sister and she would say I try but she doesn't talk, what more do you want me to do"? I was bounced back and forth by Xw, my family had enough and did stop talking to my than wife. I believed my family over my wife. She never forgave me for that. She said awful things about my sister and mother all the time. The punishment didn't fit the crime. Besides the sarcasm and emotional I faced it was worse with the abuse of my family on top of this.
   I struggled very hard with Xw telling me I couldn't defend her, that I put my family ahead of her. Several years ago at my nephews baptism, I was god father. The god mother, my than wife and I were talking at the baptism, someone asked to get a pic of the god mother and I and asked my wife if she would mind. It was very polite request. After the baptism wife was very angry, said no one ever made her feel so low and I stood there and let it happen, didn't defend her. I carried this for a long time. Today that story came up and my dad pipes up, " I don't blame her for feeling that way, it was a terrible thing to do. Now I am really struggling. Is he right? Does the truth hurt? I did so much healing now I'm wrestling with the nagging question did I put my family ahead of my wife?

[bus boy]

I've posted often about Xw' s hate for my family. How Xw said my sister wouldn't talk to her, I never saw it, would question sister and she would say I try but she doesn't talk, what more do you want me to do"? I was bounced back and forth by Xw, my family had enough and did stop talking to my than wife. I believed my family over my wife. She never forgave me for that. She said awful things about my sister and mother all the time. The punishment didn't fit the crime. Besides the sarcasm and emotional I faced it was worse with the abuse of my family on top of this.
   I struggled very hard with Xw telling me I couldn't defend her, that I put my family ahead of her. Several years ago at my nephews baptism, I was god father. The god mother, my than wife and I were talking at the baptism, someone asked to get a pic of the god mother and I and asked my wife if she would mind. It was very polite request. After the baptism wife was very angry, said no one ever made her feel so low and I stood there and let it happen, didn't defend her. I carried this for a long time. Today that story came up and my dad pipes up, " I don't blame her for feeling that way, it was a terrible thing to do. Now I am really struggling. Is he right? Does the truth hurt? I did so much healing now I'm wrestling with the nagging question did I put my family ahead of my wife?

[Mutt]

Hi bus boy,

My ex accused me of picking my family over her and I felt guilty, you probably have similar feelings. I think that i'm a reasonable guy with good judgment and good values. My ex would drive that point home anytime my family was involved and she used her family as a benchmark saying how much better her family is.

My brother in law said something to me that stuck, he just said that the r/s with my sister has been established for decades. My family was there long before my ex wife and they're still here now and my ex wife is gone  

I get the feeling that you feel really guilt about this. Do you think that it had a hand in the disillusion of your r/s? Do you feel like you're at fault? I'm seeing you beating yourself up over this. We had erratic partners if you look that up it means a partner that is not interested in trying to repair the r/s, it's the opposite it's destructive behavior in the r/s. You seem like you're a pretty good guy, do you believe what your ex says about you? Probably about 90% of what a pwBPD say about us is really about themselves. Anyways I just wanted to ask you if guilt is eating you up.