need some help coping

[4MandJ]

Hi,

I believe my wife has BPD.  She has not been diagnosed and will not agree to being diagnosed.  She does have significant ADD.
 is very mean to me and mostly negative to our 14 year old son.  She is almost never positive with what she says to me.  She is a chameleon and can turn on the charm with people outside of our family.  A good example of her happened last night.  At our family dinner, we started talking about how people are buying older homes and tearing them down and building larger homes.  She said that this could not make anyone happy.  My son and I were both saying that if someone wants to do that it must bring some happiness.  She refused to accept this and got more and more worked up.  My son and I cleared the table and cleaned the chicken and she went upstairs and would not talk to me at all and only a little to our son.  When we saw each other, there were no words and we would just walk past each other.  I went downstairs to watch TV and she comes down in a "good mood" and says she wants to watch a movie with me.  She talks throughout movies.  Usually saying something the characters have done wrong.

We talked about a family friend and she lied that she had talked to this friend on her birthday last week.  I know this to be untrue.

We sleep in separate rooms now because I cannot take the mess in our room and she has said in marital counseling that our relationship is not her focus.  Her focus is on our son who she feels is not doing well when he is doing great.  He is a freshman in high school with great grades, playing sports and is a teacher's aide at Sunday School.

I have a good therapist and the book "Stop walking on eggshells" has really helped but I do not see anything positive with her and am depressed and hopeless in our relationship.

I am glad I found this site.

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[JFish]

I am so sorry. You are not alone.