A bpd person I'm not even friends with is obsessed with me

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

I've read many posts & have learned a lot over the years. I've encountered BPD bosses, a neighbor who got very obsessed, even though I was only his friend. He was like a father figure. I had to move and go no contact. I'm now dealing with a person I only know bc of a medical clinic. She got super obsessed, emailed me in the middle of the night through the patient portal. It was a few years ago. I'm not there anymore and she was fired. She found me on social media. She doesn't reply directly, but she monitors my posts 24/7. I tried posting at all different hours, she will post shortly after in her numerous accts. She thinks I'm talking to her when I'm absolutely not!! She thinks I'm in love with her which is completely delusional! I've been monitoring her posts more recently, for concerning things and I've found many. Some get deleted. I'm very fearful of her and very concerned. It's a terrible feeling being the object of someones obsession.

She takes on any of my interests. Be it music, food
At the same time, posting things that she knows upset me. Tries to get a reaction.
 She's not in the same state anymore. But she's obsessed with where I am. Posts events and weird things in reels, that disappear. Overlay messages of, love stuff & you've missed me. I've never given any indication of interest. We're not even friends! We've never been at the same coffee shop, or store in line at the same time. She's completely delusional. & She's married to a woman. She's a trans man but goes by nonbinary. She's on hormones which feeds her anger. I'm very afraid of her. She projects. She thinks every thing I post is about her and she'll respond. I did call her out a few times and posted some of her crazy, v*Ient content around trans issues and girls sports. She checks all the boxes for serious danger. I don't know what to do to get her to stop. I appreciate your time and input.
 

[Kim1199]

Hello,

I've read many posts & have learned a lot over the years. I've encountered BPD bosses, a neighbor who got very obsessed, even though I was only his friend. He was like a father figure. I had to move and go no contact. I'm now dealing with a person I only know bc of a medical clinic. She got super obsessed, emailed me in the middle of the night through the patient portal. It was a few years ago. I'm not there anymore and she was fired. She found me on social media. She doesn't reply directly, but she monitors my posts 24/7. I tried posting at all different hours, she will post shortly after in her numerous accts. She thinks I'm talking to her when I'm absolutely not!! She thinks I'm in love with her which is completely delusional! I've been monitoring her posts more recently, for concerning things and I've found many. Some get deleted. I'm very fearful of her and very concerned. It's a terrible feeling being the object of someones obsession.

She takes on any of my interests. Be it music, food
At the same time, posting things that she knows upset me. Tries to get a reaction.
 She's not in the same state anymore. But she's obsessed with where I am. Posts events and weird things in reels, that disappear. Overlay messages of, love stuff & you've missed me. I've never given any indication of interest. We're not even friends! We've never been at the same coffee shop, or store in line at the same time. She's completely delusional. & She's married to a woman. She's a trans man but goes by nonbinary. She's on hormones which feeds her anger. I'm very afraid of her. She projects. She thinks every thing I post is about her and she'll respond. I did call her out a few times and posted some of her crazy, v*Ient content around trans issues and girls sports. She checks all the boxes for serious danger. I don't know what to do to get her to stop. I appreciate your time and input.
 

[Notwendy]

I don't think it's possible to control this person's actions. She does seem to be following you on social media. Fortunately you are not in the same location.

I think your only best thing to do is lay low on social media- make it so she sees nothing you post. Is there some way to adjust your privacy settings so she doesn't see your posts? If this isn't possible ( I don't know how all of them work)- then a break from social media is what you need to do.

PwBPD are drawn to drama and attention. If she has nothing to interact with, she may find it less reinforcing to do what she's doing. If she can not interact with your posts at all- she is more likely to move on to something/someone else.

[Kim1199]

Hi,

Thanks so much for your input! You're right. The problem with social media, she's looking from other accounts. I have a weird account, where I don't even follow or want followers. I used to check news , etc. Once I did start posting, it definitely draws people. It's just scary to me. Because she operates these wannabe causes that don't bring much support. She also tries to monetize asking for donations, but she keeps the money. She'll post from those accts. She recruited a member from an area that's not far from me. Most concerning, the people she's looking for, aren't in that area. It's more quiet and conservative. It looks bad that she's even posting about places near my home!! Thanks again.

[Notwendy]

It is creepy but also anything on the internet is public in some way. I think the safest thing to do is not post anything for a while. Let her get bored. You can still PM people you want to have contact with. Just don't post. Likely she will move on eventually.

[Kim1199]

That makes sense. It's really unfortunate for the people that cross paths with these kinds. We have to modify our behavior. They're the most selfish people I've ever encountered.

Again, I got especially concerned because we didn't have any kind of friendship, so for her to completely read into everything. I feel like I'm caught up in someones hallucination. Finally, I thought of maybe getting a private investigator to reach out and set the record straight. And maybe that would wake her up. It's stunning to be so afraid of her, yet she interrupts it as me being in love!

[Kim1199]

That makes sense. It's really unfortunate for the people that cross paths with these kinds. We have to modify our behavior. They're the most selfish people I've ever encountered.

Again, I got especially concerned because we didn't have any kind of friendship, so for her to completely read into everything. I feel like I'm caught up in someones hallucination. Finally, I thought of maybe getting a private investigator to reach out and set the record straight. And maybe that would wake her up. It's stunning to be so afraid of her, yet she interprets it as me being in love!

[Notwendy]

Unless what she is doing is criminal or would make a case for you in court, the cost of a private investigator probably wouldn't be worth it. That also brings attention to her, and it's attention that fuels what she's doing. Ignoring it/not posting  is less reinforcing to her.

[Kim1199]

That's makes a lot of sense. Thanks again.

[once removed]

what if you just didnt read her posts?

[Kim1199]

Hi,

Thank you for replying. Of course, you're right! I know I shouldn't!! I was just getting concerned. I'm queer myself, she happens to be really deep into the trans stuff. That's her business. She's been very active trying to recruit kids. I've been quite active in the opposite. I was concerned after the election. Sure enough, she is raging. But what startled me was, older posts that sounded familiar. I write & I post a fair amount, she's literally posting in response to my random posts. Literally speaking to me personally.


 I've had others monitor for a few days. I changed my habits. She tried to stop while I was stopped. But started to really come undone. Angry posts. Then, sappy self help cartoons. All memes and reposts.


I've been worried bc she posted about a new member of a charity, these fake projects to make her seem accomplished. It's a remote area where there's not much queer venues, etc. I was advised by a security person, to keep an eye out & get pics. Especially once she posted that the person, isn't far from me. If she plans some "business meeting" and comes here. It was very deliberate.


Sure enough, things specific to me were posted in reels that disappear, strangely. And she's deleted inappropriate posts that I happen to see before it was deleted. Sorry to go on. People like this really get us twisted around. We have countless stories.


We literally only know each other bc she was my doctors assistant. Replied to emails. We've literally never even been at the same random Starbucks, yet she's totally obsessed and posts overlays with hearts and pornographic cartoons. I got an alert, she did start posting tonight right after I posted a couple things. I know I shouldn't. It's really sad to have to change my life, I literally have never even talked to her on the phone outside the doctors office. It's nuts!!




You're

[Kim1199]

Hi,

Thank you for replying. Of course, you're right! I know I shouldn't!! I was just getting concerned. I'm queer myself, she happens to be really deep into the trans stuff. That's her business. She's been very active trying to recruit kids. I've been quite active in the opposite. I was concerned after the election. Sure enough, she is raging. But what startled me was, older posts that sounded familiar. I write & I post a fair amount, she's literally posting in response to my random posts. Literally speaking to me personally.


 I've had others monitor for a few days. I changed my habits. She tried to stop while I was stopped. But started to really come undone. Angry posts. Then, sappy self help cartoons. All memes and reposts.


I've been worried bc she posted about a new member of a charity, these fake projects to make her seem accomplished. It's a remote area where there's not much queer venues, etc. I was advised by a security person, to keep an eye out & get pics. Especially once she posted that the person, isn't far from me. If she plans some "business meeting" and comes here. It was very deliberate.


Sure enough, things specific to me were posted in reels that disappear, strangely. And she's deleted inappropriate posts that I happen to see before it was deleted. Sorry to go on. People like this really get us twisted around. We have countless stories.


We literally only know each other bc she was my doctors assistant. Replied to emails. We've literally never even been at the same random Starbucks, yet she's totally obsessed and posts overlays with hearts and pornographic cartoons. I got an alert, she did start posting tonight right after I posted a couple things. I know I shouldn't. It's really sad to have to change my life, I literally have never even talked to her on the phone outside the doctors office. It's nuts!!

[Kim1199]

.... I'm so sorry to go on. I did check real quick, and there are these celebratory very s**ual posts in reels. She purposely does that so the content disappears.

You're so right I really need to stop. It'll never end. She's very sick. She's married and that poor woman probably doesn't know the extent of this obsession. She's got some issues too. No longer in the big city the pwbpd was in, bc she couldn't find anyone so now she's out there, really unhappy. Such a pwbpd trait, they married before even living in the same state. Because she was afraid she'd back out. I'm so grateful she's out there! Again bc of her behavior when I wasn't posting,  she posts v*olent things and very creepy handwriting cartoons with bizarre messages. I feel compelled because I'm afraid I'll miss something incrementing. Thanks again.

[Notwendy]

I think a red flag was contacting you though the medical office. That is unprofessional and shows a lack of boundaries. However, this is some time ago and probably not worth pursuing. I can see that this bothers you. In the grand scheme of things- there is so much on social media.  She is one of countless people who are promoting their own point of view- on many topics. The way the algorithms are - if we even click on one video- out of curiosity- more of them appear on our feeds.

I agree on protecting kids from seeing material they are too young for- but the protection has to be from the internet- because even if your aquaintance wasn't posting her content, she's not the only one.

I am not on much social media, but have seen enough to see that people can get attention, likes, views, and even earn money from their content. To get views and attention, I think one has to be posting about something interesting or a bit outlandish. I could see how someone with BPD could get caught up in the attention, likes, views from social media.

It comes down to boundaries- our boundaries. We can't control what someone posts. We can control what we post and what we choose to look at. Anything one posts becomes public- so people can use it in their own material. So some boundaries on your part could be to not look at her posts, not post anything that you would be upset if someone used or shared and possibly a break from social media - as she will then have nothing to look at on your part.

[Kim1199]

Thanks so much for taking the time. I definitely know better with people like this. I've been a staunch supporter of letting kids grow up, and if at that point they want to explore options, it's one thing. Herself & others have hijacked school board meetings, taking seats from concerned parents. She doesn't have kids. Pushing pornographic books for kindergarteners. Taunting parents. Police had to tell her and those she went with, to go back to their side, from what people posted. I wasn't at those meetings.


Again what really startled me was her obsession with me and what I'm posting. I don't have followers, so people have to look, like a news site. I knew she had a thing for me, but I had no idea she was literally speaking to me in her weird posts. She won't dare post a lot of very dark and v*olent things from her own account.

I know it's really unhealthy for me to look. This got bad for me when I looked through some older ones recently and realized how close she's watching. I need to stop. It's scares me to see her sulk and post angry things. But once I happened to post a couple things, sports, nothing to do with her, she suddenly was posting jovial stuff and s*xual stuff. I wish someone called her out, and watch her squirm trying to explain it.

[Kim1199]

Sorry to go on. What concerns me a lot more than whatever she's posting, is being out of state and still posting events here, and things near where I live. That looks really bad. I don't mind saying it, I'm in California. She worked in Hollywood/ West Hollywood where there's a huge queer community

The area she "recruited" someone for the charity and whatnot, doesn't have the same demographics. It makes no sense to be in that area. Except it's close to me. It's a Netflix thing waiting to happen. When they interview family and coworkers, they'd never know the extent of what she was she was doing. I'm a night owl, I'll be up writing, etc. For her to also be up and suddenly posting. She probably sneaks into the bathroom. It would startle people if they knew.

[Notwendy]

We can't control what she does or who calls her out. If someone or something is upsetting us- we then have to examine our part- what can we do about it- and it comes down to our own actions.

I have a friend who left social media because, he was feeling angry at some posts. I think we've all felt drawn into certain posts and want to reply. He did this a few times and then thought- this isn't what he wants to do, he's not that person and stopped using social media. This is an example of doing what he can control- his own use of social media.

I think Once Removed made a good point- why are you looking at her posts. I think this is the key- because we can only control ourselves. What she's doing is one of many people doing these things- that doesn't mean you approve or think it's OK. Personally, I think there's a lot of things going on that I don't like either, but we can only control our own world and ourselves. If someone I know is posting things that I feel upset about- I unfollow them so I don't see it.

[Notwendy]

We have to let other people make up their own minds about what they see. If I had a school age child, I'd be restricting their internet access, and also attending school boards. If she's being outrageous, other people will notice that too. If she were doing something illegal- or makes offensive posts- you can report that. However, what social media allows is pretty loose. IMHO, looking at her posts is very upsetting to you. This is like allowing this person to live in your thoughts, rent free. The solution is to not look at what she posts.

I agree with you in that I don't appreciate people imposing their views on other people- whatever their view is but this is most of the content on social media. Social media is all about influence. Even the term "influencer" reflects this. Something can be used for good or not. Social media has allowed people to raise funds for charity, keep in touch with family and friends, and also to post hateful things.

We are the ones who have to decide how much of this we let into our own world.  I hope you can give yourself some peace from this person's post.

[Kim1199]

You're right. It's all really good advice. I really don't care if she or anyone continues posting about topics I disagree with. I don't follow, I simply had a look now and then, and never expected to see what I saw.


I was alarmed by her behavior that concerned my life and my posts. I know it's neverending. I really wanted to be aware if she was planning something near me. She's on the East Coast, so to daily sort and post, very specific things out here, contingent on what I posted, past and present, is very disturbing. Especially places and neighborhoods, that she's only aware of, and posting about because of me.

But to me, It's not just posts, when she's planning things near the person she's completely obsessed with. I've posted in the past about how unsettling it is, I've asked her numerous times to please stop, and she just does it more. I just don't want something to happen, and I ignored and dismissed the warnings. Thanks so much for being so patient and taking the time. I'm so grateful!

[Kim1199]

Also I totally agree about the good that social media has done with raising awareness, fundraising. I stayed off for a few years. Gradually made my way back.

With the other pwbpd I've encountered, I learned to go no contact and stop looking if there was social media. There wasn't much with them. I simply have to stop. I'm just worried she'll keep freaking out and escalate things.

 You're so right, others that have seen her posts, do think something is wrong, she's all over the place and some posts have been very dangerous. Unhinged rants. Threats and celebrating the CEO thing. Health Insurance has been evil to many, but I definitely don't condone k**ling anyone!! Someone like her, really, pardon me, gets off on it. And it inspires copycats.

 She posted about him and someone in the replies posted a k*ll list that she liked. Instagram removed it. She's an LVN, I'm not sure if she's currently working in that particular position, but that's very disturbing.