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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
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Author Topic: Do they come back?  (Read 787 times)
Ak1234567

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Trying
Posts: 4


« on: January 10, 2025, 05:51:56 PM »

Hi all,
I was in a relationship for about 6 months with a girl that I knew from a few years back. We were friends when we first connected and kept it as that. We lost touch and then recently reconnected and started dating.
I have been left one week ago over something I have a hard time coming to terms with. I was at work and didn’t have my phone on me, she messaged asking if I wanted to meet at the shops for lunch and to look around and because I didn’t reply she assumed I was ignoring her. When I did reply when I finished she said she doesn’t want to talk to me ever again. Proceeded to block me.
I messaged her on another avenue and asked if this is the end seeing as I’m blocked and all she replied was yes.
I tried to make sense of it all and reassure that I wasn’t ignoring her that I was just at work. She said it’s not about the situation but the emotion it made her feel and because of that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Yet that same day she was telling me how much she loves me.
I tried pleading with her saying I can be more accomodating but that just seemed to make her angry. I am only unblocked on one avenue and I sent a messages saying she was probably right and that maybe we shouldn’t be in a relationship.
She wanted to know how I can to that conclusion, I simply said I don’t want to date someone that doesn’t want to date me.
I want to know if there is any chance she will come back to me and if I should refrain from contacting her at all? Maybe she will miss me
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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

kells76
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 4033



« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2025, 05:24:44 PM »

Hi there Ak1234567 and welcome back -- though I'm sorry to hear that there are still difficulties in your life.

I was in a relationship for about 6 months with a girl that I knew from a few years back.

Can I ask, is this the same person you were in a relationship with a few years ago (the reason why you joined)? Or is this a different person?

Asking because the background of the relationship can make a difference.

...

Has she reached out at all in the last few weeks?
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EyesUp
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 653


« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2025, 04:25:27 PM »

@AK,

pwBPD are known to recycle relationships.  Yes, it's a pattern.  Everyone is different, and ymmv, but the answer to your question is somewhere between "maybe, yes" and "probably."

It's understandable that you, or anyone, would be confused/concerned by an abrupt breakup for a seemingly fixable misunderstanding.

Unfortunately, you might not get a real explanation or closure.  Leaving the door open may lead to another inexplicable breakup further down the road.

Here's the thing:  What happens next is mostly up to you.  You can also choose to block her and move on - that's your choice to make if you wish to make it. 

What are your expectations if you're able to reconnect?  Do you think there's something you can do to put her at ease so this situation doesn't repeat?  Would there be any boundaries or a firm understanding re rules of engagement so that everyone is communicating about their feelings in a fair and consistent manner?   

That doesn't seem like an unreasonable request for a committed relationship, does it? 

I hope you get the answer your seeking.
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