Hi there whiskeybiz0 and
If BPD is involved, then any relationship can be challenging, that's for sure. That doesn't mean there weren't or aren't good parts, too; many members here want to stay in their current relationship or repair/reconnect, and people have any number of personal, important reasons for doing so. We respect that here.
Tell me a bit more about why you suspect BPD in your GF -- did she have a diagnosis?
I'm curious about this, too, so I can understand the background a little better:
our anniversary was October and then we broke up late November because of a small fight
What was the fight about? Was it similar content or different content from the previous fights? I.e., many couples will have fight "themes" that they go back to: "you're always late", "you never listen to me", "you're always looking for a new man", "you never pull your weight around the house" etc.
Who technically initiated that breakup?
She talked to me one last time around early January just so I could stop talking to her and she admitted to talking to someone new. And she told me to stay away from her now that she had that talk with me. Now I’m fully blocked and it’s been a week since. I just need advice to get her back, i genuinely believe it can work and we did love each other. But now I feel like it’s too late since I got replaced. The only hope I have is that it’s an online thing not irl. I was her first irl relationship and longest, her ex before me was 8 months and it was online. She would occasionally talk to him when we fought but eventually forgave him but stopped talking to him fully.
If you guys have any advice that would be great
I’m assuming no contact?
Good question.
So "no contact" isn't really a relationship building tool. It can help members who are detaching from a relationship to maintain that separation during the early difficult phases of a final breakup. It isn't really about reconnecting. There are some urban legends, maybe, or possibly pop psychology, about "make her want you" by icing her out... not really what we're going for here.
What does stand out to me is this timeline:
-she allows one last talk (I'm assuming for "closure"?)
-she says "now that we've had our last conversation, please stay away from me"
-she blocks you on all platforms
-she's talking to a new guy online
So she's sending a pretty strong message that she has some walls up for you and is testing the waters with moving on.
It might unfortunately send the message that you don't respect her, if you try to get past those walls right now/in the immediate future. Don't accidentally undermine yourself by communicating that you don't respect her wishes.
This is different from "no contact". This is more about -- she's made it pretty clear that she needs some space and to feel safe. Respecting that for the moment, unless/until she reaches out again, will communicate to her that you're a respectful guy.
Additionally, if she's testing the waters with talking to a new guy, there might be that kind of "new relationship excitement" going on. You trying to get into her space there won't read well to her.
If it's only been a week so far, and you two still work in the same place, I'm thinking to show her that you're someone who -- while sad about it -- is really respectful of her boundaries. The "new relationship excitement" may wear off soon -- she may feel some regret, though it's hard to know, as we cannot read anyone's mind.
It would not be surprising if she did reach out again -- let her do it on her own terms, feel safe about it.
...
This may be important, too:
what was her major complaint about your communication/relational style? i.e., "he's too pushy", "he comes on too strong"...?
