Started Out Strong

[iamthesweetness]

I have BPD and when I fall, I fall hard, sometimes too hard! I don't want to look like a fool, again, and I feel like my boyfriend is pulling away from me, just because he doesn't say ILY anymore. We both drive trucks(for different companies), but I'm currently at home due to an injury. He's somewhere in Idaho right now and I know he said he was exhausted and could barely keep his eyes open. I said okay, goodnight, be safe, etc., and lastly ILY...no response...now I'm in my feelings because he didn't say it back. I feel like crying because I know he loves me, but NOT saying it back makes me feel unwanted like I always do. He doesn't know I have BPD, and I'm scared to tell him in fear that he will end things. I feel so stupid for feeling this way and I keep telling myself:"....it's just the BPD taking advantage of you, he does love you, stoooooopppppp!!!"! It's not working and I'm crying because I feel out of control!! Tell me I'm just spiraling and it's just my BPD!!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hello iamthesweetness, and kudos for being brave enough to share about your struggles  

BPD certainly presents challenges in close relationships, as you've experienced. It makes sense that you're concerned that telling your BF about BPD would negatively impact your relationship -- those fears are a lot to deal with  

Not sure if you knew this -- this website is designed for persons who are in a relationship with a person with BPD, not necessarily for persons with BPD (pwBPD) themselves. That's because generally the needs of pwBPD in a relationship, can differ from the needs of persons without BPD, and this site is tailored to persons without BPD.

We want the best for you in your journey and want to support you in having a positive, stable relationship! So, this site won't be the best fit for you personally (because some of the discussion might derail your healing); however, there are good resources out there, tailored to persons in your situation, that will have better resources.

One good free one is https://dbtselfhelp.com/ -- you may have already heard of DBT, and the site offers free skills support and practice. For example, if a person is struggling with big negative emotions, the emotional regulation practice could be a great resource for accepting, validating, and navigating fears. Other options, especially for people who feel like they're spiraling, could be: focusing on breathing, or practicing mindfulness.

Another good resource is the https://www.psychologytoday.com/us "therapist finder" feature at the top of the page. If you click on "find a therapist" and then enter your city and state, it'll give you a list of therapists in the area. If you then use the filters up top, you can sort by therapists who do DBT, or therapists who specialize in BPD.

I have a therapist myself, and having that one person to lean on, who both challenges and supports me, has meant a lot. There's no shame in having a therapist, it's a brave move and lots of people do it.

iamthesweetness, we want you to know that we want good for you as you navigate the significant challenge you've been given in life, that you never asked to have. Many pwBPD are able to find strength in learning DBT tools to help them as they feel like they're spiraling. I want to encourage you to check out those links and find support and compassion for yourself as you feel your feelings.

Warmly;

kells76