Hi Itsmemrg and
Hey my bpd girlfriend of a year recently broke up with me.. however she still has us listed as in a relationship on Facebook she originally wanted a "break"
how long ago was the breakup? what was it about? am I tracking with you that she initiated it by wanting a break?
I didn't respond to the ghosting well.
how did you respond?
...
There's a way in which BPD relationships are no different from non-BPD relationships, analogous to how in some ways, driving a racecar is no different from driving to work. The difference -- in this analogy -- isn't in
what you do, necessarily, but in how
skilled you are at doing the same thing, and how intense and high-stakes the situation is.
In both situations, you need to keep your hands on the wheel, not under or over steer, check your blind spots, etc -- it's just that you have more room for error when your commuting to work, vs driving at high speeds on a racetrack.
(Obviously, there are differences, so the analogy isn't for every aspect of having effective interactions with pwBPD.)
Working on improving your communication -- not just
what you say, but
how you say it and
how you do the relationship-- will likely be important if you want the relationship to have a chance.
Probably the biggest thing non-BPD persons do where there just isn't "room for error" is accidentally
invalidate their partners.
Take a look at our
workshop on "stop invalidating others" when you have a chance... anything in there stand out to you, or sound like what was going on between you two?
