I Feel the Inevitability of Divorce

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi there,

Would it work better if you put a bed in your son’s room and slept there with him when your wife is raging?  Or maybe you fetch your son when you go to bed, so that he sleeps with you in your guest room?  That way you wouldn’t expose him as much when she rages. Just a thought.

My sister suffered domestic violence, and her ex beat her when she went to fetch her young son out of the room where her ex was experiencing a drunken rage. When she went to court to get a protective order, the uNPD husband accused my sister of hitting him first!  His lying and blame shifting is constant. Fortunately the court didn’t believe him, as my sister had evidence:  a doctor’s visit, pictures of bruises, and leaving the home with the kids immediately after the altercation. But even after years of legal work and significant non-compliance with the parenting plan, the uNPD ex still has unsupervised visitation rights, and he won’t agree to a divorce. The legal battle has been very difficult on the kids, because their visitations with dad are stressful and chaotic (lack of food, dirty home, skipping scheduled activities, dad sleeping all day, many visits to the health clinic/emergency room during visitation, kids staying up all night with screens, etc.). He is a no-show for about half of his parenting days, which distresses the kids, too, as they have to wait around for dad until they figure out he’s simply not coming.

[CC43]

Hi there,

Would it work better if you put a bed in your son’s room and slept there with him when your wife is raging?  Or maybe you fetch your son when you go to bed, so that he sleeps with you in your guest room?  That way you wouldn’t expose him as much when she rages. Just a thought.

My sister suffered domestic violence, and her ex beat her when she went to fetch her young son out of the room where her ex was experiencing a drunken rage. When she went to court to get a protective order, the uNPD husband accused my sister of hitting him first!  His lying and blame shifting is constant. Fortunately the court didn’t believe him, as my sister had evidence:  a doctor’s visit, pictures of bruises, and leaving the home with the kids immediately after the altercation. But even after years of legal work and significant non-compliance with the parenting plan, the uNPD ex still has unsupervised visitation rights, and he won’t agree to a divorce. The legal battle has been very difficult on the kids, because their visitations with dad are stressful and chaotic (lack of food, dirty home, skipping scheduled activities, dad sleeping all day, many visits to the health clinic/emergency room during visitation, kids staying up all night with screens, etc.). He is a no-show for about half of his parenting days, which distresses the kids, too, as they have to wait around for dad until they figure out he’s simply not coming.

[ForeverDad]

Please call. I hope that more men in this situation are calling. They won't judge you. First of all- call for yourself and then also... Call for your son, because you are his primary role model for how to be a man and you don't want to normalize seeing you be abused. You'd want him to also know it's OK for men to reach out for help and support  too.

You're an adult, you have had years to mature but your child is so young, he doesn't know what is normal and what is not.  He's senses a lot but not nearly with the ability of an adult.

Also, what is considered as "legally actionable" misbehavior for him to witness or experience is at a different level from what is considered actionable for you.  You would need local input to determine precisely how behaviors and actions are viewed in your area.