Psych Evaluation

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Just had a long phone call with my partner (pwBPD). We are meant to be going on holiday next week and he changes his mind daily about whether he is coming, one minute excited the next doesn't want to. I have just consistently said it would be nice to be together but I  of course will accept his decision if he does do not want to go. The phone call felt like he wanted me to 'plead with him' but I just repeated nicely the same message. I am away with work until Sunday.

He is seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow and I know it is freaking him out, he was diagnosed with BPD three years ago and I went with him, his Mental Health Nurse has arranged this appointment as there is some concern that he may be tending towards Schizophrenia, I am no expert but personally I doubt this however on this occasion, and on the nurses advice, I am not attending the appointment with him and this has increased his angst and I think anger at me for not being there.


I am increasingly of the opinion that I am not able or willing to cope with increased problems and thus regardless of what happens I am still going on holiday as I definitely need a break. Perhaps because I need to really think how much longer I can continue to deal with someone who despite getting help places far too many demands on me that are quite impossible for me to meet.

[ortac77]

Just had a long phone call with my partner (pwBPD). We are meant to be going on holiday next week and he changes his mind daily about whether he is coming, one minute excited the next doesn't want to. I have just consistently said it would be nice to be together but I  of course will accept his decision if he does do not want to go. The phone call felt like he wanted me to 'plead with him' but I just repeated nicely the same message. I am away with work until Sunday.

He is seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow and I know it is freaking him out, he was diagnosed with BPD three years ago and I went with him, his Mental Health Nurse has arranged this appointment as there is some concern that he may be tending towards Schizophrenia, I am no expert but personally I doubt this however on this occasion, and on the nurses advice, I am not attending the appointment with him and this has increased his angst and I think anger at me for not being there.


I am increasingly of the opinion that I am not able or willing to cope with increased problems and thus regardless of what happens I am still going on holiday as I definitely need a break. Perhaps because I need to really think how much longer I can continue to deal with someone who despite getting help places far too many demands on me that are quite impossible for me to meet.

[sweetheart]

It becomes important if you choose to stay that you learn to take time out for yourself even in the midst of dysregulated, demanding behaviours. Taking your holiday is important. Establishing that your needs are just as important as your partners will also help in choosing to stay.

It might help your partner settle a little (it might not ) if you validate his worry and agitation about attending the psychiatrists appointment alone. Mental health appointments are a really big deal for my husband, they unsettle him before and after. I find if I am calm and kind and acknowledge his distress this often helps him manage a bit better.

[ortac77]

Hi Sweetheart

Yes I have done a lot of validating his (quite understandable fears). Equally I have done a lot of recovery work myself recognising that whilst I can stay compassionate that he has an illness it must not (as it has in the past) lead me into   becoming so enmeshed in that illness that I lose who I am. To that end I will still go on holiday next week whatever the outcome of his evaluation today.

I think it comes down to your comment of 'managing him better' - the more I look at our situation the more I become aware that it is actually not my place to manage another person and that the only way they get the help that they need is by getting appropriate help from mental health services, not easy in the UK where it is a battle to get any decent service due to both financial constraints on the NHS and the stigma that seems to surround BPD even amongst professionals.

I have just heard that the CMHT psychiatrist has endorsed the diagnosis of BPD although has prescribed antipsychotics due to schizophrenic tendencies - hmm sounds like 'hedging bets' - well I will just have to trust that they know what they are doing and take the coming days as they come!

Ortac 77

[sweetheart]

I too am in the UK my dBPDh has a co-morbid dx of schizophrenia. Where one thing ends and the other begins I do wonder. My husband takes antipsychotic meds and there is a massive deterioration in his overall functioning when he has stopped taking them.
Our experience of mental health services has gone from really good to downright disgusting over the last 10 years. If you find a psychiatrist who understands BPD and is good, follow them to the ends of the earth. 
Good support from your local CMHT will be absolutely vital in helping your partner navigate and understand his symptoms, medication, behaviours and early warning signs of crisis.

It's interesting that you read 'manage him better' I actually said validation can help him 'manage a bit better.'
I'm pleased to hear that you will still go on holiday next week, it took me a while to disentangle myself from my husbands chaos, but once I did breaks away have been really great. My son and I are off to Paris this evening for a weekend break, something I would never have done before finding this site.

Enjoy your holiday.

[ortac77]

And enjoy Paris as well

[ortac77]

Just another quick question - does anybody have experience of their pwBPD being prescribed Serequel for BPD?

My partner has been prescribed them and although I am away with work at the moment, having spoken on the phone he sounds much calmer than he has of late.