no she wasn't. the cops stopped chasing her after a while (it was around the time school gets out and a lot of children walk), and the EMTs took her to the hospital after. i suspect part of the reason she left the hospital without being discharged is because she was worried about being admitted. to be fair, at the time no one knew where she was because her personal phone wasn't working. she's been admitted and my understanding is that it wasn't a good experience, so i understand the aversion. she was in a work vehicle and is dodging the paperwork so i'm not sure how possible it is that charges will be brought against her.
That's sort of incredible- the pure luck of it all in avoiding responsibility.
Nobody likes being admitted, even when they feel like they have to be admitted, because that means they're not in control and around staff that are trained not to fall for her manipulation tactics. The goal is to realize the need for change, that's when the magic can happen. Until then though, in-house is more about getting them stable in the moment and balanced out enough to return to society.
her psychiatrist is not the most available and i think not very experienced with BPD based on the fact that she keeps prescribing benzos.
Psychiatrists don't generally "treat", they're there to diagnose and prescribe medications. Meds treat symptoms (depression, paranoia, etc) but don't do anything for the core problems. There's a mass shortage of psychiatrists and they're mega-busy, so it's near impossible to get treatment without cash appointments through a private facility. Most folks rely on insurance and that's a big fail in the USA, those psychiatrists are worked to the bone and don't have time to truly work with their patients.
that's a decision she'll have to make herself though, i know she's worked on a relationship with this psych and that's a very valuable thing. she does understand that she needs to change things because her coping skills aren't working.
That's what this all comes down to, her willingness to put in the work and get better. Nobody can do that for her, and nobody can convince her. She has to want it for herself and that's a very hard thing for her to come to terms with. Some BPDs never make that realization.
i definitely don't want to trigger anything that would lead to a worse situation for her. i know abandonment is like, The Trigger, and i have no desire to be cruel about leaving. so i appreciate the realism.
Again, i have no advice and it's impossible for me to judge you, regardless of what you decide. Everyone here has been in the same situation.
I will offer a piece of advice based on what I just shared though. For her to realize that she needs to take therapy seriously, she's likely going to have to hit her "rock bottom". With BPD, that can be a lot lower than what you'd imagine. For most of us, the police chase in the company vehicle would have been enough of a wake up call that we were seriously unhinged.
For her though, the breakup could be what finally convinces her to seek help and try to make changes in life.
It's going to be terrible for her no matter what, and it's going to be super hard on you as well. You might have to block her at some point if the messages keep coming. It's really going to suck.
But at the same time, you can't stay because "it's what's best for her mental health." What she sees as best for her is feeling okay in the moment, which means she'll spend her entire life running from people and responsibilities just to feel okay. It's her choice, but that's a terrible life filled with heartbreak.
What's actually best for her is taking therapy seriously, going through DBT to learn how to better process her emotions in stressful times, and coming out of this more stable and responsible. She can't see that though and she has to choose it.
For you, maybe you're giving her comfort and support...despite what it's doing for your mental health. That's great...that's noble even. But it's unhealthy for you as well. Just remember that this is not your fault and it's ultimately not about you. You can't fix her, you wouldn't even know where to start.
Maybe a good path is not breaking up right now, but enforcing more healthy boundaries for yourself. For instance, she starts yelling, tell her that you're stepping away for both of you to calm down and reflect. She's not used to that and she won't like it, but it's protecting you while teaching her right from wrong. Doing this is not to "punish her", it's to help her regulate her emotions and avoid the blowout fight.
If you come back 30 minutes later and she wants to scream, then you tell her that you love her but you don't have the energy to fight. You don't like the way it makes you feel. Keep it about you and your boundaries, and walk away again if necessary. This is forcing her to choose- calm down and treat you better, or have you at a distance.
Maybe this adds to her fear of abandonment and she breaks up with you.
You can do all of this stuff in a loving, compassionate way. Again, the goal is not to harm her or make her feel like dirt. It's to teach right from wrong and let her see that your feelings matter as well. You can still comfort her and help her calm down when she's angry or sad by focusing on her emotions and soothing them. You'll just have boundaries, you'll only do so much of that when she's dysregulated and blaming you.
Again, I wish you luck. It's a terrible position to be in.
