In divorce proceedings and can't get through to my wife

[Jonttu01]

About a year ago my wife turned on me very dramatically. We were in a stressful situation in that we were building a house for ourselves and living in a garage loft and our travel trailer. We had been living this way for about 8 months. She went to get help for some major anxiety and panic attacks. She just went to a family doctor who she had never seen before. The nurse practitioner prescribed Lexapro. She started on this and things got much worse. She would tell me she doesn't love me and never has and that she married me for all the wrong reasons. Then I caught her having an affair. I went to her very loving and compassionate to confront her. I told her that we can work through this. She cried uncontrollably when I confronted her. I have never seen anyone cry like that. I convinced her to let me go to a psychiatrist with her to talk about her meds. He switched directions 3 times in 2 weeks because she would go back to him without me and her would see something different. I told her we needed to start over with her off all meds. So she did. She then went without me to a new psychiatrist and has been on three different meds for the past 6 months. I think they help some with her anxiety but not much else. I finally met with the psychiatrist because our daughter goes to the some one. While there I talked to him about her and told him the truth about what is going on. Her was floored. Her had no idea of her behaviors. She also slowed me to go to her counselor with her how she has been seeing for a year. In that meeting I found out that the counselor has just. Even validating her feelings and has never told her that divorce should not. E the answer. The counselor told me that I just don't listen to her feelings. She said that my wife has told me she wants a divorce and I just need to accept it.  I then started researching BPD and have now recognized most of the behaviors as being related to BPD. Her parents have been pushing her to get a divorce as well and have even paid for her Lawyer. I feel like they are controlling her like they have her entire life. She talks to them everyday. She has always called her dad every morning. Even though we only see them maybe 6-7 days per year. They have never been involved with our kids. They have never kept our kids for us so that we could do anything. I know that there is some major trauma in her life. She was sexually abused as a child by her grandfather and I think her parents knew about it and covered it up or at least discounted it. I don't know how to get her to see what is going on. We now have temporary custody orders in place and I have been granted the house and the kids by her. She agreed out of court to give me primary custody of the kids and she is moving out. She filed for divorce in December but never moved out she can't really decide what she wants. I am just struggling to figure out what is going on with her and how to get her the help that she needs.

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[Mutt]

Hi Jonttu01,



I'd like to welcome you to BPDFAMILY. I'm sorry to hear that. I can relate with how distressing that feels when it's a light switch got turned off and we don't recognize a loved one because their behaviors take a 180.

It helps to talk to people that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. You're not alone, I went through something similar but different of course and ii know that is heartbreaking.

I'd like to set the meds, the behaviors, her parents aside for a second and ask you if you think that she emotionally checked out of the r/s? Does she keep in touch? Do you try to get through to her?