Hello HawthorneCandy and a warm
Glad you felt ready to join and reach out for some support! I hear you wanting to support your sister, and the best way to really support others is by taking care of ourselves first
This is a good group for receiving that care, from people who truly get it about the challenges of having a loved one with BPD in the family.
Just to understand your situation a little better, are you younger or older than your Sis24? Any other siblings? Do any of you live with a parent/both parents? Anything else of note about your family structure?
my sister who is 24 and was diagnosed with BPD 4-5 years ago.
How did your sis24 respond when she was diagnosed? Was she accepting of it/felt relief, in denial of it... some other response?
She currently isn’t in treatment for the BPD and has had a very difficult 18 months
Has she previously been in treatment?
What's been the big challenge over the past year and a half?
I’m trying to help her get back on her feet which includes working on my relationship with her within the context of her mental health challenges. I’ve had to step back from support for her in the past and am trying to show up more consistently.
Sounds like you've done some level-finding in terms of what support you can offer. How has that looked in the past? What was too much? How do you make decisions about how/what to support?
How does she respond to your support?
She also has ADHD and probably complex trauma and maybe also bipolar II but part of the problem is that she won’t see a psychiatrist or therapist for more accurate diagnosis and treatment.
It is so difficult to see a pwBPD decline to participate in meaningful therapy. I hear you that you want good for her -- that has to be painful to see her in distress but also choosing not to get help.
How do you take care of yourself when that stuff comes up?
I am curious to read others’ stories here, as well as reflections and strategies and tips.
The person in my life with BPD is my husband's kids' mom (so, a different relationship than yours). While much of her behavior has been frustrating (and often hurtful), I do have some peace in knowing that I genuinely want her to be healed.
In addition to getting help and support here on the message boards, I've also had a therapist for the entire time my H and I have been married (whether a marriage counselor or individual counselor... or both), due to the stress that BPD can put on a family system, regardless of who has BPD. Last year I also took the
NEABPD Family Connections class, which is a free group for persons with a pwBPD in their lives to learn better tools/approaches for improving the relationship. It's based on up-to-date clinical research and is peer-led. It helped me decrease some of my anger and frustration, and try to have a little more compassion. I learned a lot about myself in the process, too. Definitely recommended and worth a look, to add in to your support system.
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What would you say is the area where you most want some new strategies?
