Hey usagi, thanks for stopping by to update us. Always nice to hear how folks are doing after a while
Sounds like a long breakup process... August to May is a significant stretch of time to wind things down, have things flare up again, make contact, de-engage... just a lot, emotionally.
I held out some hope that we could at least have a somewhat amicable relationship. The occasional text conversation or something like that. But after our interactions late last year and this past phone call I don't think it's possible. It makes me extremely sad but in a way relieved.
I can picture that. I wonder if the long breakup process was kind of like trying to grieve a death, but the person was still alive. And maybe this realization is giving you some closure, some way to have finality and get out of the grey zone.
Aside from this, I have a new job, new home, and new relationship. My life is 180 degrees from where it was a year ago. I'm finally excited about my future again. I'm hoping that this letter can help close those long chapters of my life. I also hope that my ex partner can find a way to move on.
Did you ever picture that this life for yourself could be possible?
Are you still participating in your hobby, and is that part of your excitement about the future?
And I get it about hoping your ex can move on. Despite everything my H's kids' mom has done, I can genuinely say, no strings attached, that I hope she can heal... that I want good for her.
Thank you very much BPD Family! You've been here for nearly the entire arc of this experience. The folks on this forum have provided deeply appreciated guidance and shared experiences that have given me prospective on my situation. I think that it will still take me some time to recover from this experience. I have generalized anxiety and am slowly establishing a new baseline. Working to piece my life back together...
It makes sense, given the length and intensity of your past relationship, that it will take time to recover, heal, and change some mental wiring that got programmed during those times.
Is your new partner aware of what you're coming out of?
Are you still seeing your therapist?
...
Really glad to hear the hope in your post. Having things to look forward to in life, having a sense that better times are ahead, that you're in the driver's seat of your life... priceless.
Please don't hesitate to update us more -- we always love to hear how things are going for members.