Alcohol Abuse and ACUTE Eating Disorder

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello from a first timer.

My 40 year old married daughter (and mother of a 4 year old son) has exhibited BPD since early teens.  Never treated and never officially diagnosed.
As she grew older she seemed to be getting better, although has always used/abused alcohol in part to treat her debilitating anxiety (and BPD).
Spent a recent three day trip with her and her older sister and saw first hand how out of control her drinking has become.  In addition, she has lost SO MUCH WEIGHT! I'm suspicious she is taking a weight loss drug (which is hideous because she's tiny!!)  Hopefully it's that and not cancer causing rapid unexplained weight loss. She has always had body image issues (thinks she's fat. Always.) On the trip we went on she never ate, only drank.  I realize that she will not live very long if something doesn't change.
What can I do?  Her husband and her father are on board.  We all want to help her!
Thank you for your support.

[PollyP]

Hello from a first timer.

My 40 year old married daughter (and mother of a 4 year old son) has exhibited BPD since early teens.  Never treated and never officially diagnosed.
As she grew older she seemed to be getting better, although has always used/abused alcohol in part to treat her debilitating anxiety (and BPD).
Spent a recent three day trip with her and her older sister and saw first hand how out of control her drinking has become.  In addition, she has lost SO MUCH WEIGHT! I'm suspicious she is taking a weight loss drug (which is hideous because she's tiny!!)  Hopefully it's that and not cancer causing rapid unexplained weight loss. She has always had body image issues (thinks she's fat. Always.) On the trip we went on she never ate, only drank.  I realize that she will not live very long if something doesn't change.
What can I do?  Her husband and her father are on board.  We all want to help her!
Thank you for your support.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi there!
It is awesome you all are on the same page.  The bigger question,  though, is will she accept the help? Does she see her behavior as a problem?

[PollyP]

Thank you for responding.  And apologies for my slow response.  A lot going on.

As to your questions- My daughter does not think she has a problem.  Which is part of the problem! And she gets very defensive (at the least) when we try to discuss it.
Also, we approached her husband and asked him to call me privately so I could get his sense of the situation.  He seemed disinterested and has not called me a week later.

There are many facets of my daughter's problem that need help but of course right now I'm so afraid of the eating disorder/rapid and dramatic weight loss.  I realize that I can't force her to change or seek help but I really want to help her WANT to seek help.  My next step is to address the issue directly with her in a supportive and loving yet honest way.  We'll see how that goes! Pray for me! xoxo