Married almost 4 decades - is this the end?

[Gomerland1]

My therapist, based on our conversations, just recently suggested my wife suffers from BPD. I have since started reading up as much as I can to learn more about the common behaviors exhibited by those with BPD. My wife matches the textbook definitions almost exactly. So now that I know this, I am contemplating what happens next. I've been living through these behaviors for almost 38 years. I really dislike conflict and usually run away from it or clam up. My wife has a very high conflict personality. Since I'm new to this group I would like to hear from those of you who have more background experience with BPD. What do you recommend?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pook075]

Hello and welcome to the family!  I'm very happy you found us and hope that we can help you process what's going on.

To answer your title "is this the end?", it doesn't have to be if that's not what you want.  Learning about BPD feels like a massive challenge at first and so much of what we're supposed to do in the moment is counter-intuitive.  This site will give you practical tools to work through these difficult moments and hopefully bring some peace into your home.

A few questions- what have you read so far about BPD?  Any books yet?  Be careful on random internet sites since a lot of them are counter-productive...they're just there for people to vent and assign blame.

Also, what are some of the biggest challenges you're currently facing with your wife?  Could you talk that out a little bit so we can provide more direct advice?