My mother had BPD

[Scoles]

My mother had BPD but we didn't know that at the time. My brother and I grew up in hell. To the outside my mother was well loved by everybody, she was charming, beautiful, the life of the party. At home, she was a devil. She was angry, emotionally and physically abusive. We walked on eggshells, I learned how to read a room before actually stepping in the room. I learned her body language because my life depended on it. I never walked close to her because with no warning, she would get up and beat you, pull your hair, belittle you, kick or push you for no reason at all. Snap! Then a second later, she is nice as pie. I learned to lay low, not stand out, be silent, and not draw any attention. I feel like I am so damaged inside even with counseling. I am on edge, I am sensitive. I walk around this world feeling like a stranger, I don't belong here. I have trust issues with men. My brother and I have a weekend coming up where we are going to sit down and go over our childhood together. Our mom has passed yet we still struggle. I have journaled for years trying to understand my mom. I have read books and although I have forgiven my mom, I am still angry and hurt at what she has done to my brother and I. I thought I would check this group out and maybe talk and share in hopes for healing.  Thank you

[zachira]

Welcome to this group! There are many members including myself who have been sharing our stories and helping others for several years as we work through the damage we have suffered from being raised by a mother with BPD. My mother with BPD is deceased. After many years of therapy and going low contact/no contact with the enablers of abuse in my large extended family, I am doing better though often look back at how much better my life could have been if I had had a mother who knew how to love her children. You and your brother will heal as time goes on because you are aware of how you suffered in childhood and it was not right. Many survivors of childhood abuse do not realize that they were abused and blame themselves for the abuse unless they realize at some point that how they were mistreated as children was indeed child abuse. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Soon you will hear from other members with experiences similar to yours. We are all a work in progress on this site. There is hope to heal and feel better with time and processing of the abuse.