My dad’s vm is disconnected

[TelHill]

I’m here at my destination. This is a vent only.

I’ve been calling home for 18 hours and getting nothing but dead air. I reached out to my service and tell me the VOiP has been disconnected. I know of a way to have it disconnect from the phone w/o disturbing WiFi. I am guessing my brother did this out of spite. I could be wrong . It tends to happen in the winter during inclement weather. It’s usually fine during the summer.

I called another relative who will be checking on my dad. That’s a relief! I am calm and expected something to occur. I don’t think of doing these things myself so can’t predict what will happen. Maybe that’s a good thing. I’m not interested in emulating the pwBPD behavior.

I’ve forgiven my brother if this is his doing and moving on. I’ve been working on not getting too angry and then ruminating for days.

Thanks and sorry for hogging the board lately.

[Notwendy]

No need to apologize- it's what we all are here for.

Who is looking after your father? What set up is there for bill pay?

My mother's phone bill was set up as automatic from her account so she didn't lapse with the payment. Your brother may have disconnected the VM or the payment didn't go through?


While some people are still self sufficient at 90, others may be needing more assistance keeping up with daily tasks at that age and this need can gradually increase over time. Your father also may have let the battery drain or needs a new one. BPD mother at times would forget her phone code and I would remind her. This is typical for this age.

I am glad there are other relatives who can check on your father. I think it's a good idea to ask them to increase their looking in on him at this point. I also think it would be a good idea for you to gain online access to his phone account and other important accounts, if he lets you, to be sure he's keeping up with them and also to check for unauthorized use/charges.

[TelHill]

Hi notwendy,

I just spoke to my dad and he’s fine. The VOiP was turned off yesterday and part of today. My relative went to my dad’s house a few hours ago to check up on him. He told them I couldn’t get through. There was a disconnect. My dad and brother unplugged and then plugged in the WiFi box (aka reset) the device. It finally connected. That’s what it takes to reconnect the phone to the VOiP.

You’re right to point out he may have not paid the bill. I’m the one who pays it because he’s not tech savvy. He doesn’t know how to set-up and maintain ePay. This month’s payment went through. I have access to his online bank account and have set up his US real ID (I think that’s what it’s called) for SS payments. It had to be set up a few months ago to continue his benefits.

I don’t have access to his credit card bills. I can see payments going from his bank account to the company. He pays for groceries and in-person drugstore stuff with it. It’s about the same amount as usual. The electric utilities are on autopay. He gets a paper bill in the mail each month to see if they’re still ripping him off. (His words)  Those of us who have pwBPD minding bank accounts and bills have to be extra wary as you have been with your mother’s money issues. Thanks for bringing it up. It’s unpleasant to discuss someone else’s money but necessary.

My brother is living there and another one comes by a few times a week to check on him. My calling plan is inexpensive so I can call him once or twice daily.

Thanks, notwendy. It helps to vent here to not get so upset when things happen. It’s hard to tell if these things are by accident or design. It’s best to take care of them and move on.

[TelHill]

I’m in contact with this relative’s children. They’ve traveled here too. They phone their dad frequently. This relative is older but much younger than my dad. He’s reliable and responsible.

I’ll do my thing here and come home. I want to make sure my dad’s okay. I miss him.

[Notwendy]

Glad the relative is reliable. Glad you also have some time with your Dad!

[TelHill]

I wanted to respond that my dad doesn’t use cell phones. He isn’t tech savvy. He can’t see the small numbers on a cellphone.

I set up a phone that looks like an old landline phone from 10+ years ago. It has extra large buttons and a couple of handsets with it.

It’s connected via Voice Over Internet Protocol (VOiP). It’s connected through home WiFi with a VOiP box given by their service provider. There is no cellular service used. The phone is a plug-in and has no battery.

The VOiP box was given by the WiFi provider as a service to seniors. The VOiP box is connected via a cable to the WiFi box. If the VOiP loses connectivity from the WiFi box for over a few minutes it shuts down phone service.

 The phone still looks like it’s on since it’s plugged in. My dad still uses an answering machine from 20 years ago. VM confuses him. That remains plugged in although the phone service is down.

This system can be interfered with by unplugging the WiFi router for a few minutes. The VOiP box needs to be restarted then. My dad forgets how to do it. The phone can be offline for days and he wouldn’t know until he gets no phone calls.

Anyway, I thought I’d explain it since it’s uncommon.

[Notwendy]

I think your father is at the age where he needs some help. Is there anyone there to help him?

BPD mother had a cell phone but she mostly knew how to make and receive calls. She relied on her caregivers and other family members to help her use it. There were times when she would lose her contacts information, or lock herself out, and need someone to assist her in restoring that.

I hope you can gain access to your father's phone information so you can help if something gets disconnected or you have to do something with it.

[TelHill]

Hi notwendy,

It’s my brother’s doing not my dad’s. He’s messing with his own father because brother is angry that I’m here. It’s life with a pwBPD.