I feel like such an idiot

[Pinkcamellias]

When we moved back to my husbands home state during the pandemic we stayed with my father in law until we got on our feet. He is a respectful and kind person who was very easy to live with . He has since retired and needs our  help now and though I’m not in a position to help anyone truthfuly, I would never sit by and do nothing . So when my husband asked me if his father could stay with us until he could move into a 55+ income restricted residence I said yes. I had many concerns (I won’t go into it ) but ultimately family helps family and he was there for us when we needed it so I wanted to do the same. What has thrown me is how my husband thinks I’m now having an affair with his father ! I’m used to the name calling and accusations but this is new. He’s been staying with us since June and this only started last week. Long story short my FIL does DoorDash part time and he had missed dinner. I asked my husband had he seen or heard from his father and that’s when he started in on me. My mind was racing with confusion. I never saw this coming. Now I am literally avoiding my father in law to the point where he noticed (he said as much ) because I’m acting out of character and standoffish.

[ForeverDad]

Ouch!  Been there, experienced that!

My ex accused me of doing things with my female relatives.  One evening we were at my cousin's home and on the way home she ranted and raged that I should divorce her and marry my cousin's wife, all because we spoke.  I even drove her to the local hospital and she refused to go in so we just drove home.  To say she was highly triggered and sensitized is an understatement.  It was maybe only a few months later when it got progressively worse and my marriage imploded when I called the police and, according to her perceptions, I was the one who created the incident.  (Fortunately our preschooler wouldn't leave my arms so I wasn't carted off despite being asked to "hand the tyke to his mother and step away".)

The reality was that I revealed her private abusive behavior which had been increasing almost month by month.  As in, How dare I do that!  People with Borderline traits (pwBPD) rely on the other's reluctance to disclose the abusive or near-abusive behavior done in private scenarios.

As much as I was concerned for my own welfare, I was even more worried for our preschooler.  My area was known to always default children to mother's care and so it was an uphill struggle to remain an involved father... but it was worth the pain to get through that long dark tunnel and reach the light on the other side, not just for me but also for my now grown child.