So Conflicted about what to do

[Horselover]

My husband and I have been married for several years, and have two young children together. After we were married, he became very erratic, unlike the man I thought I knew while we were dating. After tons and tons of research, it became apparent to me that he very much fit the criteria of BPD, and that he had a history of abuse and trauma. I told my husband that I could not live with his out of control behaviours - yelling to himself, dissociating, and email/texting rants, where he goes off into another world that is completely irrational and impulsive. Given that I felt unsafe around him, and we both desperately wanted our marriage to work, he agreed to seek therapy. He has been in individual therapy now for close to 2 years, and completed two rounds of DBT. I can see that his awareness and understanding of himself has improved, but his behaviours are still a huge problem - to the point that I and my children have moved out of the house. We have put in so much work into this marriage, even when living separately. The most confusing part to me is that it seems that the more insight he has about himself, the more erratic he becomes. It's like he needs to up the ante in order to get the "release" that he had before. I am so embarrassed by some of the things he has done publicly at this point, that I don't know if I can ever get past it. Does anyone have any explanation as to why someone in treatment who seems to have greater insight would look worse instead of better? How long does it typically take for a person with BPD in treatment to become relatively stable?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.