Looking for suppot and give support

[Induetime]

I am new to the group. My spouse has BPD.  I thought for a long time that he had NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). They both have similar behaviors.   As hard as it was, I finally accepted that my marriage of over 30 years is over.  He has put us in a tight financial bind..not the first time.  I love him dearly and always will. However, he doesn't take responsibility or accountability for his actions. He deflects, shift-blames, and gaslights when I try to express things that we need to work on in the marriage.  I am currently in counseling. I've mentioned individual counseling to him, but he refuses. There isn't anything more I can do.  I am in the process of grieving my marriage... It's pretty tough, and I am healing from past trauma.  Is there anyone who can relate?  I've come a long way, but I'm still a work in progress.