Not officially diagnosed afraid to go to pychiatry but has 100%

[lessismore97]

Hi everyone, I have BPD traits and also my mom is diagnosed with BPD officially but I havent visited the clinic yet. I am in a toxic relationship but my question isn"t that.

I am a new user in the forum and the website and I wanted to find good sources and experiences in forum but i come across that most of the comments and headlines about people that not have the BPD but affected by it. I am genuinely looking for a person who can help me with my relationship struggle and also my self image concerns.

Actually, I need someone who can talk with me about the same experiences not only affected by an ex etc. I want to talk with someone who has bpd. And maybe we can learn from each other.

Do you recommend anything that beneficial for me in the website? (Btw yes i am in therapy)
Thank you.

[ForeverDad]

You are correct.  This site is focused on supporting and providing skills to those who are in relationships with persons exhibiting Borderline traits and behaviors.

BOARD DIRECTORY

This is a support community for the family and relationship partners of individuals with borderline personality disorder traits (BPD). Our collective mission is improving member lifestyle and emotional well being through compassionate support and education.

Normally we advise persons not to mention BPD since the label can trigger denial and blame shifting.  Since you are already in therapy and suspect you may have BPD, there's no harm done with you having found us.  I'm wondering, your brief post was a nice one, so you may have less severe BPD traits.

Or... could it be that what you've experienced being exposed to your mother has merely impacted you?  To illustrate, you may find a cat or dog with fleas, and when cleaned up it is in much better shape.  Could you have picked up some fleas from exposure in your home environment?  That's a concept to pose to your therapist.

Someone will come along soon and provide you a list of sites for those with BPD.  Please, don't give up on therapy, it can be a valuable lifeline for you to make progress toward recovery.  After all, recovery is a process, not an event.

[Pook075]

Hello and welcome to the forums.  You're right, this site is primarily for loved ones of someone suffering with BPD to learn how to improve their relationships.

I don't know any sites specifically for you, but my 26 year old BPD daughter has found community on TikTok and Reddit, plus through local group counseling sessions.  They'll tell you in group not to exchange contact information because those relationships often do more harm than good- my kid has been hospitalized countless times from BPD friend A is struggling for what BPD friend B said or did, then somehow my daughter is right in the middle of it having a crisis of her own.

Just know that feelings are always valid.  How you arrive at those feelings can sometimes be the problem...that's the core issue with borderline.  Please feel free to ask questions though and we'll help if we can!

[Notwendy]

It is good that you are in therapy. If the therapist has decided you need to see psychiatry, then it may be to obtain medicine that can help you with some of your symptoms related to BPD (there isn't one specific medicine for BPD). The medicines that treat anxiety, or depression, are used for a lot of people, not just those with BPD.

When a child grows up in a family where there is a person with BPD- it's the only "normal" we know. We learn from both parents and our family dynamics and if we have some similarities to our BPD mother- we might wonder if we have BPD too. I don't have BPD but I have seen a therapist to help work on issues from growing up in a family with a BPD mother.

It's understandable to be scared you might have BPD if you have some similarities to your mother. It is possible that a child of a pwBPD also has BPD but not always.  I think the therapist is in the best position to decide this for you.  Our parents are role models for us- and of course we are going to have similarities to them. It's also possible we learned some behaviors from them that we can work on, whether or not we have BPD.

This is a lay board made up of people with shared experiences and as others have posted, it is for people who don't have BPD but who are connected to someone with BPD. There are resources for pwBPD ( and hopefully someone will post them, I am not aware of them) but even with these- a main person to help you is the therapist, (whether or not you have BPD) so I encourage you to continue with that and discuss any concerns you have with them. If they think it will help you to go to the clinic where your mother goes- then I encourage you to do that, to get that help and information.

[ForeverDad]

From your initial post, though relatively brief, I didn't discern any Borderline pattern, just some distress and perhaps unjustified fear.  So relax a bit, go ahead and seek out some help locally, whether a clinic or counselors or therapist.

Also be aware that you don't have to stick with the first therapist you meet.  If you choose to meet a few and then decide if there is a better fit over time, that's okay too.

You mentioned being in a toxic relationship.  Is that someone other than your mother?  Frankly, virtually every one who arrives here is or was in a toxic relationship.  We needed to get educated on what they are, how to deal with them and perhaps even decide whether to end them.

If you wish to sample some of our collective time-tested wisdom accumulated over the years, you can browse our Tools & Skills workshops board, one of several we have here.

That said, it would be good to be a bit cautious when seeking out people with BPD traits (pwBPD) groups.  Many participants can be in various stages of recovery - or lack of recovery - and discussions have a risk of devolving into triggered outbursts if not carefully moderated.  So if a blamefest develops, then step away so you don't get similarly entangled.