This interaction got me in tears

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

m going to tell you something that happened to me some weeks back. It's not strictly related with what happened with my pwBPD but somehow it is.

I was at the bus like every morning. It was crowded. An old lady (she probably was in her 80s) came in close to where I was. The bus was so crowded that she couldn't take a sit, neither did I, but I was with my back at the wall. When I saw her staying right in the middle I told her

"Please, take this place"

She replied to me that it wasn't necessary and she was fine there. I insisted

"Please, take this place. I'm fine either here or there, but you are better where I am than there"

This time she took the sit I offered her. She then told me the following

"Son, I want you to know that you are a real gentlemen. Very few people do what you've just done right now and that honors you"

We were talking until the bus stopped. She told me about her family, her life, how things have changed and asked me about me. When I was about to leave she asked me

"What's your name, son?"

I told her my name. And she said

"Every person I've met in my life with your name  are beautiful people. I want you to know it. I can see it in your face: you are a good person"

I thanked her, said goodbye and went to class like every morning. When I came home that day I left my bag and went down to the basement. I started to replay that interaction I had that morning. Then I started to cry.

And cry. And cry. And cry. And cry. And cry. And cry over.

I thought "am I really a good person? After all this, am I really a good person? After being always accused of being someone else's cause of misery?! If everyone tells me I'm a good person, why I couldn't make her see that?! I must have messed it up with something I did?! Who am i?!"

Now I ask why is that after that interaction I started to have those thoughts

[NamelessMan]

m going to tell you something that happened to me some weeks back. It's not strictly related with what happened with my pwBPD but somehow it is.

I was at the bus like every morning. It was crowded. An old lady (she probably was in her 80s) came in close to where I was. The bus was so crowded that she couldn't take a sit, neither did I, but I was with my back at the wall. When I saw her staying right in the middle I told her

"Please, take this place"

She replied to me that it wasn't necessary and she was fine there. I insisted

"Please, take this place. I'm fine either here or there, but you are better where I am than there"

This time she took the sit I offered her. She then told me the following

"Son, I want you to know that you are a real gentlemen. Very few people do what you've just done right now and that honors you"

We were talking until the bus stopped. She told me about her family, her life, how things have changed and asked me about me. When I was about to leave she asked me

"What's your name, son?"

I told her my name. And she said

"Every person I've met in my life with your name  are beautiful people. I want you to know it. I can see it in your face: you are a good person"

I thanked her, said goodbye and went to class like every morning. When I came home that day I left my bag and went down to the basement. I started to replay that interaction I had that morning. Then I started to cry.

And cry. And cry. And cry. And cry. And cry. And cry over.

I thought "am I really a good person? After all this, am I really a good person? After being always accused of being someone else's cause of misery?! If everyone tells me I'm a good person, why I couldn't make her see that?! I must have messed it up with something I did?! Who am i?!"

Now I ask why is that after that interaction I started to have those thoughts

[Alex V]

Dear,
Feel like you have been touched in your core by this woman. You know deep inside you are a good person. And you are. Living with a BPD, you must be a (too) good person. You are giving yourself away, taking the blame for things you did not do or cause.
Is your inner child hurt? What happened to you in your past?
Be gentle to yourself.

YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON!!

[Under The Bridge]

If everyone tells me I'm a good person, why I couldn't make her see that?! I must have messed it up with something I did?! Who am i?!"

Everyone who tells you that you're a good person probably isn't suffering from BPD, so they can be logical and see you for who you are. Not so with BPD - doesn't matter how nice, loving, caring and genuine you are they can still paint you as the worst villain because of their disordered thinking and beliefs.

We simply can't make a BPD see us as we really are, their emotions can change literally by the minute. Read the many posts on here and see that everyone encounters this.

You messed up nothing; you were up against a battle that's impossible to win as BPD's play by their own ever-changing rules.

[Me88]

The goal posts have legs. Always moving literally day to day. What they claim to want from you regarding communication or a way to ease their anger works in one situation... Then, the next time it's the worst choice ever. You're a horrible person. You're purposely trying to hurt them. You never loved them. It's chaos and like existing in the twilight zone. You truly go crazy in some ways.

[Notwendy]

I think what touched you was that you felt seen. This person could see your good intentions. She saw your considerate heart.

I think we look to a romantic partner or family member  to be “seen” and to see them too. However - BPD involves projections, being painted white or black. None of these are who people truly are.

There are no perfect people but there are good people. Good people sometimes make mistakes. Unfortunately for my BPD mother -even a slight error would disappoint her. It’s hard to feel “not good enough”

But you are “good enough” and that lady saw it.

[Rowdy]

I can relate and had exactly the same thoughts afterwards.

From my wife’s parents saying after our breakup they are extremely fond of me and they know it’s not my fault. Clients that have friends that know both my wife and I saying they are shocked we have split up and I am a lovely man, with the caveat they are not surprised by my wife’s behaviour. Getting supplies from my local builders merchants and the owner being surprised that his dog didn’t bark at me, just came up to me to pet him, then saying I must be a good person because he didn’t bark, to everyone I meet when I go out socialising all telling me I’m one of life’s good people. To a mutual friend of mine and my current girlfriend, messaging her to say she didn’t know we were together, that she loves me and I’m a good lad and she is pleased for her.

It is like the universe telling you that you aren’t unseen. That people do recognise you for who you really are, and the emotion overwhelms you somewhat because the one person you wanted to recognise you for who you are is the one person that can’t  because of their disordered thinking.

[Me88]

I can relate and had exactly the same thoughts afterwards.

From my wife’s parents saying after our breakup they are extremely fond of me and they know it’s not my fault. Clients that have friends that know both my wife and I saying they are shocked we have split up and I am a lovely man, with the caveat they are not surprised by my wife’s behaviour. Getting supplies from my local builders merchants and the owner being surprised that his dog didn’t bark at me, just came up to me to pet him, then saying I must be a good person because he didn’t bark, to everyone I meet when I go out socialising all telling me I’m one of life’s good people. To a mutual friend of mine and my current girlfriend, messaging her to say she didn’t know we were together, that she loves me and I’m a good lad and she is pleased for her.

It is like the universe telling you that you aren’t unseen. That people do recognize you for who you really are, and the emotion overwhelms you somewhat because the one person you wanted to recognize you for who you are is the one person that can’t  because of their disordered thinking.

This is so familiar. I truly have no enemies in life that I know of. Everyone at work is fond of me. My friendships and relationships with my family are all great. I have not gotten into one argument or altercation since leaving my ex 11 months ago. Everyone I know says great things about me, people treat me with respect in public and life is well. I'm still in the place where compliments and good relationships tend to trigger me a bit. If I'm so loved and respected by my peers, then why couldn't that one person see a semblance of that? It's a very strange reality when dating someone with BPD.