how to be empathetic when you are being emotionally attached.

[sheetmetaldog]

My last experience with my girlfriends emotional breakdowns was when she wanted to turn on peppa pig for her kids an I was on my youtube last and it came up and I told her to switch to her youtube to find it easier and she flipped out because she thought I was hiding something in my youtube history and went into a hateful rage that lasted 2 hours . I tried to empathise and deescalate the situation and she just got madder "because I was spineless and would not stand up for myself"  She is right in the fact that I did not want to fight. Now I have been in a bit of shock and she is trying to make up to me sweet as pie, making sexual advances (which has worked in the past) and now she is accusing me of avoidance behavior. I am not trying to avoid her and I am responding to her . I am just hurt, depressed, and trying to get over it,  I love her and her girls (2 and 4 years old) and when we get along I am very happy. But I am walking through a mine field.

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[SuperDaddy]

Hi @sheetmetaldog , and welcome!

I'm curious to know if the name you choose has any specific meaning. I would think that a sheet metal dog seems shiny and strong from the outside, but in reality it is hollow inside?

I'm not sure what she was afraid of. YouTube doesn't have porn. Maybe she thought you were hiding your social media?

You said it lasted for two hours. During this period, were you mostly quiet, or were you participating in a nonsense conversation, trying to use counterarguments for nonsense accusations? I'm thinking both options would tend to fail.

Personally, I would get a bit angry at her for making all that fuss without allowing me to talk (I'm guessing she didn't). I would certainly not mirror her response but would express my dissatisfaction with her attitude right there. Usually, when people get falsely accused of something, they don't like it. Maybe she thought you were guilty simply because you didn't have a negative reaction to her accusation?

If someone accused me of cheating when I didn't, then trying to empathize could sound like a confession. Maybe she needs you to be a bit more firm in those moments, showing self-confidence in the fact that you are not hiding anything. Or perhaps you should not try to get a word in at all but show your deep frustration with her attitude. If we hide our emotions, they think we don't have them, and they keep stepping over us. Because they don't understand what it is to fully conceal our emotions—that's something they can't do.