Regarding being discarded and making sense of it.

[BCGuy]

Hello, I was broken up with 5 months ago. It had been rocky for the last 6 months prior and every time I tried to leave my ex (quiet bpd fa attachment) would lose there mind and I would be guilted or had the kids used against me so I'd come back. The final time she broke up with me I accepted it. It hurt yes but I had to accept it for my own mental well-being and worth. Her actions since have not been typical of what someone who wants to leave someone actually portrays if the person they left accepts being dumped and moves on. Looking for some overall guidance to help with my feelings and the situation.

[Pook075]

Hello, I was broken up with 5 months ago. It had been rocky for the last 6 months prior and every time I tried to leave my ex (quiet bpd fa attachment) would lose there mind and I would be guilted or had the kids used against me so I'd come back. The final time she broke up with me I accepted it. It hurt yes but I had to accept it for my own mental well-being and worth. Her actions since have not been typical of what someone who wants to leave someone actually portrays if the person they left accepts being dumped and moves on. Looking for some overall guidance to help with my feelings and the situation.

Hi BCGuy and welcome to the family. 

You mentioned that you broke up five months ago, but her actions since then haven't been typical.  Can you explain what you mean by that?

For many BPDs, there's a push/pull dynamic of them sabotaging the relationship, telling their partners to leave, then acting perplexed or becoming enraged when they actually do leave.  That's because the goal was never to get you to leave, it was to vent their frustrations and have you fight for them.

I know that doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's the crux of the mental illness.

[ForeverDad]

Over the years many have found it necessary to end all communication after a dysfunctional relationship ends.  Of course, an exception would be if there are shared children.  In that case, parenting issues would necessitate at least a minimum of communication.

Apparently you have some contact with your ex?  While that may be a nice gesture on your part, sort of basic civility, we've found that continuing contact generally can be counterproductive.

[Under The Bridge]

The final time she broke up with me I accepted it. It hurt yes but I had to accept it for my own mental well-being and worth.

That one line sums it all up. It was exactly why I stopped chasing my ex when I finally realised our relationship wasn't going forwards, as a relationship should, but simply going in a circle that repeated endlessly.

BPD's tend to take it out on those they're closest to and not really want to break up - I know my ex came looking for me after her worst outburst but this time I'd just had enough and wasn't there.

Even if you know they don't really mean it, they're still doing it and will continue to do it.. abuse is still abuse no matter how its done. It all comes down to how much you're prepared to endure to keep the relationship.