Welcome Dogwasher: I like your alias. We need to get you an avatar of a dog with soap suds on him
I'm sorry about your frustration and feelings about being lost. You aren't alone. Many of us have been/are in similar circumstances.
BPD can result from a genetic predisposition, environmental situation or both. BPD is a spectrum disorder. It usually doesn't stand alone. It is common for people with BPD (pwBPD) to have one or more other mental health issues: depression, anxiety, bipolar, PSTD, ADD/ADHD, OCD and others. Some people have BPD traits, but are a few traits shy of qualifying for the label. Others are referred to as having "high functioning BPD" or "low functioning BPD".
Some people, who wear a label of normal, can still have some BPD traits in varying degrees. Some of the traits can come and go, during a lifetime. Life events can bring on some BPD behaviors: a death in the family, loss of a job, major illness or injury, etc.
Environmentally, some of us see behavior in our home that becomes our "normal". We don't know that our situation isn't normal. We don't see good examples of managing emotions and emotional intelligence.
Don't get hung up on labels. It doesn't matter if your mom gets an official diagnosis for BPD. It doesn't really matter how many of the BPD traits she has. It seems like most people here are dealing with someone who won't admit they have a problem, and they blame everything on others. The best that any of us can do is manage our selves and how we deal with each specific problem trait.
You can't change your mother. What you can do is learn communication skills and strategy to use with your mother. By setting
BOUNDARIES and using various
COMMUNICATION SKILLS, you can make things better for you.
In the past few weeks with some extra-troubling events with my mom having occurred
Are you able to share details of the recent troubling events?
The links above (click the green words, "boundaries" and "communication skills" can be a good place to start with some lessons. If you look at the very top of the screen, there is a large green band with a "Tools" menu. There are links to more lessons there, as well as in the right-hand margin.
All this can seem very overwhelming. Just take it a step at a time. This is a good place to share and gain input for others who are dealing with similar situations. When you are ready to share more of your story, we are here to listen.
