Not sure if I can take anymore

[sm1981]

I've been with my partner 8 years he's undiagnosed but is undergoing assessments (so he tells me - not sure what to believe as he's promised before to seek help and didn't follow it up)  for a variety of things (he's been having weekly/2 weekly appointments with mental health team since before Xmas.

I feel like the last 8 years have consisted of constant cycles of huge blow ups (adult toddler tantrums) then a period of calm ground zero where things are okay again and then round and round we go.  It used to be when it was good it was really good - but now even then its not great.

Birthdays, Christmas , holidays are all spoiled.  He's regularly verbally abusive to me (I've asked him not to call me a c**t til I'm blue in the face but its his favourite word for me - his answer "if you don't want to be called one don't be one)

I've recently attended a domestic violence support group which was met with complete contempt - he calls it my "club" and that we all sit around smugly about how we're "survivors" - he says I'm not abused (I can categorically say he is an abuser mostly verbal sometimes physical)

Every argument is me causing a scene , me orchestrating it, me wasting hours arguing - when it's the opposite- its him!

He escalates everything shouting and intimidating.  I'm at the end of my tether . 

We've just come back from a group holiday which he nearly didnt go on , threatening to cut his passport up and chucking the contents of his bag all over the floor minutes before we needed to leave.  He felt the holiday went well- he was moody snappy, sometimes okay , sometimes not - lying in bed til nearly 11am every day- making everyone wait for him (this is common for him he's made an art form of being 5 minutes late for everything.  Sunday night he just went on and on (drunk - he's a big drinker) so I asked him to go which he finally has.  I need a break.

I'm getting text after text blaming me or that I'm blaming him, total victim complex.  He loves emojis - I'm a clown, a rat, all my friends sit around smugly talking about him (I try not to bring him up to be honest)

Recently I've lost a lot of weight and have started putting myself first more- this has been a massive trigger for him.

I don't know what I'm looking for - other than venting , but I do have a question for anyone who knows the process in the UK , is what he describes (weekly assessments over a few weeks ) typical ?  I think they are also assessing for bipolar and other things .

Help !