Second and more official break up with BPD partner - I feel very lost

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi all,

I've recently had my relationship end with my ex partner who has BPD, about a month ago, and it's been quite difficult to move through that, deciding whether to move on or not.

To provide context, my now-ex had a stalker situation escalate, and it made them feel unsafe to be around someone of the opposite gender like myself, meaning they no longer had capacity to be in a relationship anymore, and needed to focus on themselves to improve things in their life.

The hard part for me is that they clarified I had done nothing wrong, and that we both loved each other an incredible amount, but couldn't be together right now. Leading up to this, there was clear evidence that a "split" was potentially on the cards, noticing a shift in their behaviour and being harder to reach, which was difficult for me to navigate.

When we broke up, and had a couple of weeks before saying a last goodbye, I let them know I was going to move forward and not put my life on hold, but leave the door open for them to contact me. Last year, they did something similar within a few weeks of us dating, and they were too scared about contacting me because they didn't know if I would be there. I guess now I'm hoping after a 6-7 month relationship, that the likelihood of that happening and there being more confidence in reaching out will be there, given we both spoke about believing in serendipity and if it will be, it will be, and also that there's clear evidence that we could have a really excellent relationship together.

I guess my struggle at the moment with moving on is the idea of not waiting, but still thinking about them, and ultimately wanting to get back with them when they're able to. These feelings are particularly intense today because it's their birthday and I did leave them with a birthday card that celebrated them, but also let them know how nice our time was together and that I would always be there. I don't know if they've read that card today, another day, or it's been thrown out. I guess I'm not sure how to go about wanting to try and resume this relationship, because I'd like to think I've found my person and I think they feel the same, with us both professing that it's the most we've loved anyone before.

I just don't know whether to reach out, if that'll make it worse, when to reach out, let her come to me - I just don't know and I don't know if I should be fighting for it, or let them fight for it first.

[thebigone14]

Hi all,

I've recently had my relationship end with my ex partner who has BPD, about a month ago, and it's been quite difficult to move through that, deciding whether to move on or not.

To provide context, my now-ex had a stalker situation escalate, and it made them feel unsafe to be around someone of the opposite gender like myself, meaning they no longer had capacity to be in a relationship anymore, and needed to focus on themselves to improve things in their life.

The hard part for me is that they clarified I had done nothing wrong, and that we both loved each other an incredible amount, but couldn't be together right now. Leading up to this, there was clear evidence that a "split" was potentially on the cards, noticing a shift in their behaviour and being harder to reach, which was difficult for me to navigate.

When we broke up, and had a couple of weeks before saying a last goodbye, I let them know I was going to move forward and not put my life on hold, but leave the door open for them to contact me. Last year, they did something similar within a few weeks of us dating, and they were too scared about contacting me because they didn't know if I would be there. I guess now I'm hoping after a 6-7 month relationship, that the likelihood of that happening and there being more confidence in reaching out will be there, given we both spoke about believing in serendipity and if it will be, it will be, and also that there's clear evidence that we could have a really excellent relationship together.

I guess my struggle at the moment with moving on is the idea of not waiting, but still thinking about them, and ultimately wanting to get back with them when they're able to. These feelings are particularly intense today because it's their birthday and I did leave them with a birthday card that celebrated them, but also let them know how nice our time was together and that I would always be there. I don't know if they've read that card today, another day, or it's been thrown out. I guess I'm not sure how to go about wanting to try and resume this relationship, because I'd like to think I've found my person and I think they feel the same, with us both professing that it's the most we've loved anyone before.

I just don't know whether to reach out, if that'll make it worse, when to reach out, let her come to me - I just don't know and I don't know if I should be fighting for it, or let them fight for it first.