survivor guilt

[wantmorepeace]

Are there others here who feel like they have survivor's guilt because they don't have bpd?  My sister had different temperaments and different family roles and treatment.  She has ubpd.  I'm having trouble feeling ok about enjoying my life, especially now that we're NC.

[wantmorepeace]

Meant to say "My sister and I had different temperaments and different family roles and treatment."

[ForeverDad]

Each person has several factors that will differ one from another.  Partly, differences can be attributed to genetics, childhood environment, traumas, etc.

But I also think it comes down to a person's choices.  Perhaps not consciously, perhaps so far back in childhood that a person may not remember a choice or a different life path.

I have a sibling only a couple years in age apart from me whom I always used to describe as the grumpy one in the family.  It's more than that, to the point that I consider that sibling as undiagnosed Borderline.  Why?  I can't point to any single thing, perhaps there were multiple causes for the path that was taken.  In that respect, I turned out quite the opposite.

I can't help the other.  My help would be criticized and wouldn't be accepted anyway.  I do care but it will do me no good to fret over it.  I'm reminded of a saying, "Let Go and Let God".  Since it's too much for my shoulders to bear, I leave it in better hands, God's hands.

[CC43]

Hi,

I wish you wouldn't feel guilty.

You sound like an empathetic person.  But I'd ask, is your empathy crossing over into being toxic for you?

Are you absorbing your sibling's negativity too much?
Are you enabling your sibling's own toxic behavior?
Are you ignoring your own needs to keep the peace with your sibling?
Are you not holding your sibling accountable for their own harmful actions?
Is your sibling overstepping your boundaries designed to protect your own well-being?
Is your sibling always blaming you for things they did?

I'd say, you focus on you, and let your sibling be responsible for them.  My guess is you have little to feel guilty about.  Maybe you feel "guilty" because you've created a nice life for yourself.  Instead of guilt, I'd suggest framing it as being a role model for you sibling of what a healthy adult's life looks like.  Maybe some of your healthy habits will eventually rub off on them.

[wantmorepeace]

Thank you, ForeverDad and CC43.  There is so much truth in what you are saying. Helps me move towards acceptance.