My ex with bpd

[Anonymous14]

Hi guys if you’re reading this thanks sorry if it’s long idk what to do
So me and my ex have been together for a little over a year and everything was good in my opinion but like a month ago i started working 12 hour shifts so when she woke up i was almost half way through my shift and when i was done i went home because i was tired and we didn’t spend that much time together. We started to argue more than usual but in my mind it would get better after I finished working there. She just slept over like 2 nights in a row and the second night we argued and I thought we talked it over. She went on a walk with my sister and she at one point came to me and cuddled me and then they went on another walk so I thought everything was fine.And then i was at work and she texted me that we needed to talk and i knew where that was going and when i got home she broke up with me but she wasn’t cold she was crying and i could see it was hard for her I asked for a break instead and she agreed and she said that we will meet up two weeks later to have a talk. She asked if she could kiss me hug me and stuff so I thought maybe we just needed a little break. She kept on texting me like once every day i love you I’m sorry and I kept reassuring her that its fine i love her more and that we’ll figure it out together. One night after she went on a walk with my sister she texted her that if she thinks I could deal with her bpd or if it will drain me and my sister texted that she thinks i could handle it she just has to talk to me. And then she texted me for a sleepover and i said yes but if it would be too much than its no problem and later she texted me that she’s not okay she’s sorry. And then she next day i wake up and tell her like my friends invited me out just so she wouldn’t spiral even more and she sent me a break up text that like she’s sorry she can’t do it in person to watch my broken reaction that she loves me the most and to never forget or doubt that but that we could still have the talk. My sister then told me that she told her she’s writing a like letter/ journal for me when we meet up and im writing her a letter. I thought after the break up text we would go no contact until we met up but she keeps on texting me like every 2 days that she’s sorry she loves me and that she misses me. Idk what to do I want her back I want to show her that im there for her i just don’t know how to do that. Im lost because she’s like one moment breaking up with me the second she misses me and im in a spiral of my own in this situation.
Any help would be much appreciated if you have any questions please im just really lost and i love her very much.

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