my sisters

[2468appreciate]

I am so glad I found this site.  My younger sister is a Cluster B sufferer for sure: BPD, NPD and Histrionic PD.  It has finally dawned on me that despite years of walking on eggshells & trying to prevent rage explosions my youngest sister is actually more unstable & abusive to me as we approach our 60s.  After a lot of cognitive behavioural therapy, I started to step back from her chaotic life about 10 years ago. We live fairly close to each other & still see each other when she is well.  Last year she was becoming more & more verbally abusive to me & after listening to a tirade from her about how "unskilled" I was I very calmly said to her "I don't like how you are talking to me right now. Let's take a pause". She exploded into a volcanic rage, the intensity of which I have never seen before.  At that moment I knew I had to remove myself indefinitely from her presence.  It has been a year of no contact during which time she has convinced our other sister that I am the evil enemy.  This sister has now cancelled me.  So I have now lost both of them.  I am in therapy! 

[ForeverDad]

You chose to protect yourself.  Kudos for you.  Since pwBPD resist boundaries, that was you properly setting and implementing a Boundary in response to poor behavior, one of the Tools and Skills we advocate here.

Also, that your other sister was "convinced" to cast you as the evil enemy is probably also due to the repeated pressuring and perhaps intimidation.

Years ago we had a father here with a young daughter whose ex was evidently Histrionic and what he experienced was horrendous.

[wantmorepeace]

I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. I’ve also been at the teaching end of the name calling and volcanic rage. And strangely, among all the emotions, there is the grief of loss too. And you have the loss of both sisters. So glad you are in therapy and using this board. The emotions are deep and those two things really do help.

[zachira]

You are not alone in being considered the troublemaker by another family member when you try to set healthier boundaries with a disordered family member. People who enable and side with the dysfunctional behaviors of the disordered family member(s) are often referred to as "flying monkeys" and there are many articles on the internet on "flying monkeys".

It can often be more hurtful to be judged and ostracized by another family member when they side with the disordered family member than by the behaviors of the disordered family member. I am currently very low contact with my brother who is easily manipulated by my narcissistic sister with whom I have been no contact with for several years now. I am able to have a very limited relationship with my brother as I asked him to not discuss our sister and to stay out of the conflict. My sister has gone overboard to stay in his good graces and he sides with her in any conflict between the three of us. We just don't discuss my sister anymore yet he is in frequent contact with her and rarely has contact with me.

Healthy human beings do not get involved in alliances against another person without judging for themselves what is the right path to take. It can be very uncomfortable for many family members to change the rules of family functioning when there is no history of healthy resolution of conflict. What are the unwritten rules in your family that make getting along so challenging?