Update from: Re: new bf says he makes ex's sign an NDA

[Depression = 72% of members]

I just found out that my boyfriend has been lying about his identity from the beginning of our relationship. I have questioned his job and he faked a deposit to prove he was employed at this somewhat elite company. He left his ChatGPT open on my laptop and I saw him asking it about how to fake a deposit for the human eye and asking specifically for that company. These messages were back in April, 2025 in the same feed discussing his ex who was also suspicious of the same thing. We were dating in April, and I guess he cheated on her and was trying to get her back at the same time we were dating. He has created a persona of being a wealthy man, and his ChatGPT history shows a somewhat weird fascination with "elitism" and how to fit into that category. I contacted his ex and she said, "I truly have no idea who he is, how he makes money, etc. and I think he probably lied about most things he told me about him during our relationship." I feel like I am going crazy. I don't have friends in my area and I am so scared to be alone but I know I can't stay with this man that I don't even know. I don't think that I will ever trust anyone again.

[anonymousgf]

I just found out that my boyfriend has been lying about his identity from the beginning of our relationship. I have questioned his job and he faked a deposit to prove he was employed at this somewhat elite company. He left his ChatGPT open on my laptop and I saw him asking it about how to fake a deposit for the human eye and asking specifically for that company. These messages were back in April, 2025 in the same feed discussing his ex who was also suspicious of the same thing. We were dating in April, and I guess he cheated on her and was trying to get her back at the same time we were dating. He has created a persona of being a wealthy man, and his ChatGPT history shows a somewhat weird fascination with "elitism" and how to fit into that category. I contacted his ex and she said, "I truly have no idea who he is, how he makes money, etc. and I think he probably lied about most things he told me about him during our relationship." I feel like I am going crazy. I don't have friends in my area and I am so scared to be alone but I know I can't stay with this man that I don't even know. I don't think that I will ever trust anyone again.

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[anonymousgf]

To be clear, the ex I contacted is different from the one he was discussing on ChatGPT. I also found out that he has been traveling to RVA since May when he has been telling me that he is going to NYC. He said that he was seeing his dad and didnt want to tell anyone, but why lie about where you are going for so long?

[ForeverDad]

I can't imagine how much more it would take for you to end things once and for all.  Apparently telling lies is what he does.  We don't need to know more than that to listen... "Danger, Will Robinson!"  (Lost in Space reference)

There are old fables, different versions but all have the same motto, whether it is a rattlesnake seeking to come in from the cold or a scorpion trying to hitch a ride on a frog's back to cross a stream, the end result is that the snake or scorpion shows its true colors.  It is up to us not be lulled by the lies.

[Pook075]

I just found out that my boyfriend has been lying about his identity from the beginning of our relationship. I have questioned his job and he faked a deposit to prove he was employed at this somewhat elite company. He left his ChatGPT open on my laptop and I saw him asking it about how to fake a deposit for the human eye and asking specifically for that company. These messages were back in April, 2025 in the same feed discussing his ex who was also suspicious of the same thing. We were dating in April, and I guess he cheated on her and was trying to get her back at the same time we were dating. He has created a persona of being a wealthy man, and his ChatGPT history shows a somewhat weird fascination with "elitism" and how to fit into that category. I contacted his ex and she said, "I truly have no idea who he is, how he makes money, etc. and I think he probably lied about most things he told me about him during our relationship." I feel like I am going crazy. I don't have friends in my area and I am so scared to be alone but I know I can't stay with this man that I don't even know. I don't think that I will ever trust anyone again.

The red flags have been confirmed.  Now's the time to buy a tank of gas and start driving towards friends and family.  If you don't have a car, then check out the local bus routes to get back home.

This thread is in the category "bettering a relationship" so the advice should be towards repairing the relationship.  I don't see how we can do that here though since you don't even know who he is.  I do not think you should confront him in person, just a gut feeling from this whole thing.  Get away first and then you can have that conversation.

[PearlsBefore]

I'm confused and curious if he's just a poseur trying to "impress/intimidate" you...seems to me anyone in the situation to have an NDA to reveal themselves to you (maybe he's an NFL star, maybe he's a millionaire, maybe he's head of some prominent activism group)...would want you to sign it BEFORE entering a relationship...not at the end.

That's the real red flag to me - who is smart enough to know about NDAs, but dumb enough to leave it up to dumb luck and a pittance (20k) to cover their ass?

[ForeverDad]

That's the real red flag to me - who is smart enough to know about NDAs, but dumb enough to leave it up to dumb luck and a pittance (20k) to cover their ass?

This sounds like pure narcissism where this confidence man (con man) expects people not to eventually catch on to his convoluted stories and dump him promptly.  They expect their targets to be so credulous (believing everything) as to ignore the obvious signs of emotional manipulation and misuse of the trust expected during a close relationship.

[PeteWitsend]

I have a couple thoughts below:

I don't even know what to make of this... obviously its a red flag I know. After almost a year of knowing each other, he asked me to be his girlfriend 2 days ago. Last night we went out and had a few drinks. While we were eating, he told me that with every ex boyfriend or girlfriend that he has had, at the end of the relationship he paid them $20,000 to sign an NDA. He is well off and extremely secretive/ hard to get to know so its definitely possible.

Being "extremely secretive" is certainly a 

I take this to mean you are not currently his GF, and have just been friends?  Is he pushing you to agree to sign an NDA before you become BF/GF, or is he saying you'll sign an NDA now just because of your friendship? 

One thing you shouldn't agree to is to agree to sign an NDA before seeing it... and ideally paying an attorney to review it (which is maybe an hour or two of legal work. not a big fee).

Is this just fear of abandonment turning into containment or is he trying to hide his past behavior?

If I had to wager why he's presented this, it's because he's essentially a "sugar daddy" here, looking to have some fun with someone (i.e. you) until he gets bored, then pays you to go away. 

Now I could be wrong... but it sounds like this is an established pattern for him, and he expects the relationship with you to go the same way. 

I told him I wouldn't sign it and he told me that I would sign it because he has a lot of connections and would make my life harder if I didn't sign it. He told me that he does it because he is worried about his reputation. Is signing an NDA really normal for wealthy people?

I'm assuming he wants to have his kicks when he's with you (whatever they are; drinking, drugs, sexual, etc.) and even if they aren't that far out of the norm, he values his privacy - as we all do - and doesn't want a jilted ex- trying to blackmail him to get more money with pictures or stories of their time together.  If he's wealthy and has a public reputation, he's going to be cognizant of that, and pictures - even relatively tame ones  - of him cutting loose would conflict with that. Now, exes could blackmail him even without an NDA of course, but having the NDA gives him another stick to hit them with to behave.

That's not a good sign he's already trying to coerce you into signing it. 

As far as whether they're common, I think as we get more and more extremely wealthy people, and the disparity in wealth and power between them and everyone else grows, they're becoming more common, and the world we live in is changing... 

[PeteWitsend]

I'm confused and curious if he's just a poseur trying to "impress/intimidate" you...seems to me anyone in the situation to have an NDA to reveal themselves to you (maybe he's an NFL star, maybe he's a millionaire, maybe he's head of some prominent activism group)...would want you to sign it BEFORE entering a relationship...not at the end.

That's the real red flag to me - who is smart enough to know about NDAs, but dumb enough to leave it up to dumb luck and a pittance (20k) to cover their ass?

yeah that, too.  I mean, you don't do things you want to be held confidential by the NDA BEFORE you get a signed NDA.

In business, we don't disclose confidential things to a potential partner, then say "Okay, now sign our NDA"

Makes me think, like I said, the NDA is more his way of paying an ex to go away amicably when he's bored of them and wants to move on.

[PeteWitsend]

EDIT: I missed the post about him showing up drunk and wanting to cuddle.

He sounds less put together than I assumed when I wrote my longer response!

Guessing he's one of those guys who's reading posts from the "Manosphere" and influenced by something some idiot said.

Call his bluff... ask to see a copy of the NDA, and say that if you agree to sign it, he's got to put $20K in an escrow fund with a stipulation to the agent that as soon as you sign that agreement, the money is remitted to you.  And he has to pay the escrow agent's fees (no big deal.  he's right right?)

[PeteWitsend]

Also, signing an NDA is meaningless if the person you're suing isn't rich, or doesn't have assets you can collect against (e.g. they don't own a house).

So his ex signs and NDA, and then divulges the context of their relationship publicly... somehow.  I don't know, posts pictures on facebook, or tells his secrets or private communications.  Now he has to decide to sue them for breaching the NDA.  That's going to cost him a lot of money... at least ~$25K just to file. 

Say they defend themselves and fight back.  Now you're looking at a full trial possibly, and getting into six figures in legal fees for each side.

Now say he wins... what are his damages exactly?  The other party may have to pay his legal fees.  Can he demonstrate that he suffered some sort of harm to make it worth it? 

Let's say for argument's sake he can show that his business suffered, and he lost out on a million dollar contract because his ex breached his/her NDA.  Does the person he's dating have anywhere near that amount?  Probably not    So his BALLER move of having his exes sign NDAs is just bluffing

[CC43]

I'll repeat my prior observation:  It sounds a little to me like this guy is bragging.  He thinks he's so important he needs you to sign an NDA?  He's willing to pay you 20 grand to get you to sign it?  He's paid past ex-girlfriends to do this?  It sounds to me like he's overcompensating for his insecurities, as well as treating girlfriends like commodities to be purchased, coerced and/or discarded.

How about this?  Don't sign any NDA.  Don't even bother looking at it.  Don't accept money from him, if he has it anyway, which I doubted from the beginning.

Just my two cents.

[ForeverDad]

If he has a pattern of insisting on NDAs, what does this say about his track record in seeking relationships?  What does this say of his respect for his partners when he expects them to become ex-partners?  What does this say about what he thinks of you?

As a side thought, with him cycling through multiple relationships, it might be wise to insist on proof of no STDs, though even that is no guarantee.

[Under The Bridge]

I don't think that I will ever trust anyone again.

He's ruining your present; don't let him ruin your future too. Easy to say I know but he's one bad apple out of millions of healthy, normal ones.

There is so much more than BPD going on with him, he's a total Walter Mitty in his own 'I am elite' world. I know this is the 'bettering a reationship' thread but what possible advice can be given faced with someone like him??  At least BPD's can have some periods of near-normality which makes it worth persevering.

Only way I can see to 'better' this relationship is to end it. You must put your own needs first.

[Notwendy]

I know nothing about your BF other than what is posted here but the fake identity and money that comes from an unknown source is giving me "catfish" vibes.

Also, the NDA- did he actually produce one, or come up with the 20K? That sounds like it could be BS. "I am a mysterious wealthy man and will do things you can not speak about". Unless he's a Hollywood celebrity who doesn't want his business in the tabloids, this sounds like either BS or if legit- a scary situation as you don't know what he'd do that you can't talk about to anyone. And you'd know it if he was a celebrity. He's not one.

At this point, it's up to you to decide if you want to continue being with someone you can not trust, but these are concerning issues.

[CC43]

One last thought:  pwBPD tend to have a fragile and changing sense of identity. They can also hold delusional beliefs. I’ve seen this with the pwBPD in my life, when she seems to « try on » different identities that are not really based on reality.  She’ll say she’s a model, but hasn’t earned a cent modeling. She’ll say she’s an artist, but doesn’t have a portfolio. She’ll say on her resume and socials that she’s moving to New York, but after five years she’s not any closer to doing that.

Then there’s the opposite side of the delusional thinking, the dark side. She claims a long history of being abused. She’s « homeless ». Her entire family is evil. She’ll make some thinly veiled threats.

To pwBPD, feelings feel like facts. And so you need to take everything with a grain of salt. Typically, the feelings behind the stories have some validity, whereas the fact patterns can be distorted, sometimes wildly so.