Partner with BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello everyone, this is my first post, and I'm hoping to get some insight from people who have experience with BPD and relationships. I've been involved with someone for about six months. We started as friends, spending time together at the beach and going out for meals. Things eventually became intimate, but since then, the relationship has been a confusing cycle of closeness, breakups, and reconnecting. When we first met, I didn't know about the BPD diagnosis.

There have been several occasions when this person ended things, told me never to contact them again, or said they were not attracted to me and had never liked me. Then, after some time apart, they would reach out, apologize, and want to spend time together again. I eventually moved out of our shared home, not to get away from them, but to give us space to develop a relationship outside of living together. Even after meeting their family, I still find myself questioning what our connection meant and whether I did something wrong.

One thing I find particularly confusing is that during some breakups, this person would talk to their family as though we were still together, even after telling me the relationship was over. I'm trying to understand whether these conflicting words and actions might be related to BPD or whether there could be other explanations. I know everyone is different, and I don't want to assume the diagnosis explains everything.

For those who have experienced similar situations, is it possible for someone to have genuine feelings but struggle with the relationship and push the other person away? How do you distinguish between needing space and a relationship truly being over? I'm not here to blame anyone. I genuinely care about this person, but the uncertainty has been difficult, and I'm looking for advice on how to understand the situation while protecting my own emotional well-being. Thank you for listening.

[Windsurfing dude]

Hello everyone, this is my first post, and I'm hoping to get some insight from people who have experience with BPD and relationships. I've been involved with someone for about six months. We started as friends, spending time together at the beach and going out for meals. Things eventually became intimate, but since then, the relationship has been a confusing cycle of closeness, breakups, and reconnecting. When we first met, I didn't know about the BPD diagnosis.

There have been several occasions when this person ended things, told me never to contact them again, or said they were not attracted to me and had never liked me. Then, after some time apart, they would reach out, apologize, and want to spend time together again. I eventually moved out of our shared home, not to get away from them, but to give us space to develop a relationship outside of living together. Even after meeting their family, I still find myself questioning what our connection meant and whether I did something wrong.

One thing I find particularly confusing is that during some breakups, this person would talk to their family as though we were still together, even after telling me the relationship was over. I'm trying to understand whether these conflicting words and actions might be related to BPD or whether there could be other explanations. I know everyone is different, and I don't want to assume the diagnosis explains everything.

For those who have experienced similar situations, is it possible for someone to have genuine feelings but struggle with the relationship and push the other person away? How do you distinguish between needing space and a relationship truly being over? I'm not here to blame anyone. I genuinely care about this person, but the uncertainty has been difficult, and I'm looking for advice on how to understand the situation while protecting my own emotional well-being. Thank you for listening.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.