Trying to understand and accept.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I’m wondering how common it is for pwBPD to completely misrepresent my helpful actions and kind supportive intentions and turn them into me being a demon. Being a control freak, trying to destroy her, belittle her, close her down,  being manipulative etc. actually think of any negative adjective, I have been called them all. And they are so convinced they are right. One then wonders why they would keep coming back if you are so horrid. They convince themselves so much they leave and block you ,with no concept of discussion or forgiveness or understanding of their own actions. And always blame me. I think I have received the occasional blanket apology but I’m not sure it was genuine or understood the actions they had done. And the hurt they had caused. They can’t ever see their bit in the story either.  Is this typical?

[Prouncer]

I’m wondering how common it is for pwBPD to completely misrepresent my helpful actions and kind supportive intentions and turn them into me being a demon. Being a control freak, trying to destroy her, belittle her, close her down,  being manipulative etc. actually think of any negative adjective, I have been called them all. And they are so convinced they are right. One then wonders why they would keep coming back if you are so horrid. They convince themselves so much they leave and block you ,with no concept of discussion or forgiveness or understanding of their own actions. And always blame me. I think I have received the occasional blanket apology but I’m not sure it was genuine or understood the actions they had done. And the hurt they had caused. They can’t ever see their bit in the story either.  Is this typical?

[Pook075]

It's very common, especially during a final discard, because the BPD truly believes that you're working against them and/or trying to harm them.  In many ways it's at the heart of the mental illness and one of the easiest traits to recognize. 

Every person here has expeirenced it at least once- often it happens many times from the same BPD.  Why?  Because after being "written off", some time passes and the BPD returns all happy and giddy, with no idea why they ever left in the first place.  But the same cycle appears in the relationship until a final discard happens all over again...often faster than the time before.

The super good parts of the relationship and the terrible endings all stem from the same thing; disordered thinking and seeing things in absolutes (the person of interest is all good, all bad, etc).  When you're seen as good, in their eyes you can do no wrong.  When you're seen as bad, you can't do anything right.  That's the crux of the sickness.

[Under The Bridge]

I’m wondering how common it is for pwBPD to completely misrepresent my helpful actions and kind supportive intentions

Absolutely par for the course. They never see your actions as positive or caring; always negative and 'plotting against them'.  It's the ultimate no-win scenario as they'll find some way - in their disordered thinking - to turn your well-meaning acts into threats.

Nothing I ever did for my exBPD was seen as genuine, in her eyes I was always being nice to hide something I'd done or as part of a plan to put her down. Couldn't convince her otherwise.

After they've left - and especially if they've found nobody else to immediately jump into a relationship with - they'll often come back to avoid being alone. Maybe somewhere in their broken minds they do actually know you were nice to them so they come back.. only for the new idealisation phase to fade again and once more you're the villain. In other words, the same treadmill.. and sadly, we're all too eager to get back on it to as we remember the good times we did have and how things might have been.

In the end it simply comes down to when we finally decide we've done our best and no longer want this to be our life, and finally step off the treadmill.