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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: I can't move on  (Read 1084 times)
statsattack
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« on: February 19, 2017, 01:26:46 AM »

After all the stuff my x did and the no contact order I can't move on
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Tottie

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« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2017, 03:08:22 AM »

Be strong, darkness wil always follow up by light. I have the same problem and I advise to stay no contact, and love yourself. Search for help by friends.

You will get through!
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Raul
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« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2017, 06:11:39 AM »

I feel the same way today, NC is tough, but I have no choice as there is nothing there for me. Impossible as my ex ruined everything we had developed over the years, she wanted to separate and made us move on and sell the house, any desire to try and work on the relationship is gone... .but still hurts
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statsattack
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« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2017, 09:21:06 AM »

Obviously I'd stay no contact my biggest question mark is what happens after the order is up
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statsattack
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« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2017, 09:53:35 PM »

Me n x have been broken up for a year n still haven't forgot about her
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infjEpic
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« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2017, 08:22:51 AM »

Me n x have been broken up for a year n still haven't forgot about her

I'm in the same struggle at the moment.


What is stopping you from moving on?
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FSTL
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« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2017, 08:54:50 AM »

Wow - a lot of tough stories. I believe our pain is finite and it will eventually go. This is a great place to start moving on - if you really want to move on. I only find myself sliding back when I think I might let her back in... .then I feel terrible. But it doesn't last as I know deep down I don't want her back.

I am also incredibly grateful I now have the gift of knowledge and introspection - I have dodged bullets with potentially toxic girls in the dating pool and I am also getting to grips with my own issues and trying to deal with them (so doing things I control, like not dating crazies and fixing myself, not someone else). Some days I feel great... .others not so much. But the great days eventually replace the bad days.
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marti644
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« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2017, 08:58:53 AM »

FSTL I am having the same experience. The red flags are so much more clear to me now. Especially the look in people's eyes. If they look to dreamily at me when I first meet them I am immediately suspicious and make distance.
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statsattack
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« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2017, 08:37:30 PM »

Just found out I have OCD and she was able to calm my anxiety and that meant a lot to me.  And I just can't
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earlyL
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Formerly known as "Louise Wilson"


« Reply #9 on: February 21, 2017, 04:57:12 AM »

If they look to dreamily at me when I first meet them I am immediately suspicious and make distance.

The dreamy eyes where definitely the biggest red flag, I remember walking away once thinking, wow this is too intense for me, something isn't right. I saw someone else do it to their partner on the tube the other day as well, I wanted to grab their partner and say RUN! Of course I of no idea of their situation but it did let me witness it from the outside.

Statsattack - it sounds like you are going through so much right now, it really does get better. I am sorry to hear re your anxiety, I definitely experienced panic attacks during the last bit of my relationship that i have never ever experienced before. You mentioned something about the order? When is that up? Is it something in the near future, it is understandable that you would be apprehensive about that time.
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SoMadSoSad
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« Reply #10 on: February 21, 2017, 08:59:08 AM »

Just found out I have OCD and she was able to calm my anxiety and that meant a lot to me.  And I just can't

Isnt infatuation normal in the beginning of a relationship?
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statsattack
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« Reply #11 on: February 21, 2017, 08:11:30 PM »

Isnt infatuation normal in the beginning of a relationship?

After and during the push away
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statsattack
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« Reply #12 on: February 21, 2017, 08:12:18 PM »

The dreamy eyes where definitely the biggest red flag, I remember walking away once thinking, wow this is too intense for me, something isn't right. I saw someone else do it to their partner on the tube the other day as well, I wanted to grab their partner and say RUN! Of course I of no idea of their situation but it did let me witness it from the outside.

Statsattack - it sounds like you are going through so much right now, it really does get better. I am sorry to hear re your anxiety, I definitely experienced panic attacks during the last bit of my relationship that i have never ever experienced before. You mentioned something about the order? When is that up? Is it something in the near future, it is understandable that you would be apprehensive about that time.

October 20th 2018 is when it ends.
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lovenature
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« Reply #13 on: February 24, 2017, 09:44:09 PM »

Excerpt
Obviously I'd stay no contact my biggest question mark is what happens after the order is up

Just continue staying no contact. You can't control what your ex. does, only what you do.
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statsattack
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« Reply #14 on: February 24, 2017, 09:50:42 PM »

Just continue staying no contact. You can't control what your ex. does, only what you do.

I was debating her after no contact. Sueing for slander will help me move on
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steelwork
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« Reply #15 on: February 26, 2017, 03:46:22 PM »

I was debating her after no contact. Sueing for slander will help me move on

How will that help you move on? It sounds more likely to keep you engaged.
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roberto516
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« Reply #16 on: February 26, 2017, 03:56:08 PM »

Chin up. After two months of doubt and depression I have decided I deserve better. I think I'll have bad days, but I'm not gonna discredit that for the past 2 hours I have felt pretty good. Just remember that you deserve better. These people aren't doing what we are doing. We are admitting we have fears and faults and are seeking out support and understanding. How strong does that make you? How many people really look for support and understanding about their problems. We aren't numbing it like the borderline does.

If you need support you got it here man. Because when I have a bad day I'm gonna need you guys. And that's what separates us from someone with borderline. We actually care. So let's use it. We are all looking for support and appreciation for our kindness and willingness to give. So let's give to each other what we gave to others who used us up.
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“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.”
statsattack
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
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Posts: 168


« Reply #17 on: February 26, 2017, 08:50:10 PM »

Chin up. After two months of doubt and depression I have decided I deserve better. I think I'll have bad days, but I'm not gonna discredit that for the past 2 hours I have felt pretty good. Just remember that you deserve better. These people aren't doing what we are doing. We are admitting we have fears and faults and are seeking out support and understanding. How strong does that make you? How many people really look for support and understanding about their problems. We aren't numbing it like the borderline does.

If you need support you got it here man. Because when I have a bad day I'm gonna need you guys. And that's what separates us from someone with borderline. We actually care. So let's use it. We are all looking for support and appreciation for our kindness and willingness to give. So let's give to each other what we gave to others who used us up.

Thank you so much this post helped a ton
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