Getting over a very difficult relationship.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was pursued by my ex in May of 2015 on social media. I was taking me time after an 11 break up. We went to high school together 25 years ago but I can’t recall him too much. We just chatted for a few months because he said he was just recently separated and that is just a red flag for me... So, we were just good friends. His wife and their 12 year old daughter moved out of the house and he was in the process of selling the home. We got closer but never intimate. Our souls connected and he said he loved but I still wanted to wait a year until the divorce was final. Well, after confessing our love in September 2015, we talked about our future. I told him he can move into my home after he sells his, it’s big enough and he could have had his own room an space. We were extremely close so I thought. Well, he got really sick due to some stomach issues and he had minor surgery. While he was recovering, I took him groceries and his medicine, just kind of looked after him for a couple of weeks. Well, his house finally sold in December 2015 and he was going to move in and he just disappeared he ghosted me for a month. I believe in the No Contact rule so, I was never going to contact him. He had a gambling problem for the past 25 years playing black jack that he told me about He apologized, said everything was moving so fast and that he missed seeing his daughter every night. He is a mans man but he does have an old fashioned side. So, he moved in February, well, that lasted a month. I came home after work and his stuff was gone. No Contact again, 2nd time. Again, he contacted me a week later this time, said the same thing, he is not good enough for me that I have everything together. His was not happy with his current position. His work life has not been the same since his company downsized in 2010. So, he basically had to start over with company after company until he found one that he like and making much less than he did so, he had financial issues but I knew he would start saving soon once we were together because that’s the right thing to do. When he was with his ex, they never saved anything. All she did was spend, spend ,spend and never helped with their home. I have a great career and I can spend and save... Yay to me for being self reliant. Well, he came home again. Fast forward and why I always took him back he left I think about 5 or 6 times throughout 2016. I just chalked it up to everything he was going thru and I was not going to nag him. That’s not my style. Here is where I am shocked. After all of this in the past year, we decided we were going to move closer to our jobs so, we both moved in with family to pay off all of our credit card debt so we could start our future in the summer of 2017, look for a house. I put all of my furniture in storage. Well on January 29 he disappeared again, it has 17 days of No Contact. I will not contact him and I believe this is it. His divorce was in the final stages of being finalized and I am thinking he went back to his wife and daughter. I am just shocked at how much of a coward this man is to not tell me to my face after this rollercoaster ride that in the beginning I did not want to get on. I knew back when we first started talking in 2015 that I should have said contact me after your divorced and are emotionally available. Now, I am left to pick up the pieces and he is gone almost 3 weeks of No Contact. I am a very strong woman but geez, this has done it foe me. The feeling of being deserted is awful. He has showed me the kind of guy he is. I believe now he was a liar and he was having more issues than he let on. I fell for all of it. It was all a pipedream. Nightmare is more like it.

[Chloegirl]

I was pursued by my ex in May of 2015 on social media. I was taking me time after an 11 break up. We went to high school together 25 years ago but I can’t recall him too much. We just chatted for a few months because he said he was just recently separated and that is just a red flag for me... So, we were just good friends. His wife and their 12 year old daughter moved out of the house and he was in the process of selling the home. We got closer but never intimate. Our souls connected and he said he loved but I still wanted to wait a year until the divorce was final. Well, after confessing our love in September 2015, we talked about our future. I told him he can move into my home after he sells his, it’s big enough and he could have had his own room an space. We were extremely close so I thought. Well, he got really sick due to some stomach issues and he had minor surgery. While he was recovering, I took him groceries and his medicine, just kind of looked after him for a couple of weeks. Well, his house finally sold in December 2015 and he was going to move in and he just disappeared he ghosted me for a month. I believe in the No Contact rule so, I was never going to contact him. He had a gambling problem for the past 25 years playing black jack that he told me about He apologized, said everything was moving so fast and that he missed seeing his daughter every night. He is a mans man but he does have an old fashioned side. So, he moved in February, well, that lasted a month. I came home after work and his stuff was gone. No Contact again, 2nd time. Again, he contacted me a week later this time, said the same thing, he is not good enough for me that I have everything together. His was not happy with his current position. His work life has not been the same since his company downsized in 2010. So, he basically had to start over with company after company until he found one that he like and making much less than he did so, he had financial issues but I knew he would start saving soon once we were together because that’s the right thing to do. When he was with his ex, they never saved anything. All she did was spend, spend ,spend and never helped with their home. I have a great career and I can spend and save... Yay to me for being self reliant. Well, he came home again. Fast forward and why I always took him back he left I think about 5 or 6 times throughout 2016. I just chalked it up to everything he was going thru and I was not going to nag him. That’s not my style. Here is where I am shocked. After all of this in the past year, we decided we were going to move closer to our jobs so, we both moved in with family to pay off all of our credit card debt so we could start our future in the summer of 2017, look for a house. I put all of my furniture in storage. Well on January 29 he disappeared again, it has 17 days of No Contact. I will not contact him and I believe this is it. His divorce was in the final stages of being finalized and I am thinking he went back to his wife and daughter. I am just shocked at how much of a coward this man is to not tell me to my face after this rollercoaster ride that in the beginning I did not want to get on. I knew back when we first started talking in 2015 that I should have said contact me after your divorced and are emotionally available. Now, I am left to pick up the pieces and he is gone almost 3 weeks of No Contact. I am a very strong woman but geez, this has done it foe me. The feeling of being deserted is awful. He has showed me the kind of guy he is. I believe now he was a liar and he was having more issues than he let on. I fell for all of it. It was all a pipedream. Nightmare is more like it.

[Mutt]

Hi Carrie Leigh,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this. As I was reading your post, I've been on the receiving end of NC a few times, it's painful stuff. I'm glad that you decided to join us, it helps to talk to others like you to help you through this. You're not alone. Is he diagnosed with BPD?

Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality

[Chloegirl]

Thank you. I was lied to so much, I am not sure what he has but he does have traits.