Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
September 28, 2024, 02:11:06 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Experts share their discoveries
[video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING? (Read 469 times)
WifeInOz
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 55
Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING?
«
on:
February 20, 2017, 04:48:35 PM »
Hi All!
Just a quick question. Does your borderline feel the need to control every aspect of everything in your lives? Im talking everything! From how often the bedroom gets dusted, to making me close the doors after we leave the room(or he has a raging fit), to hiding the toilet paper from the kids because he feels they use too much and clog up the bowl (he makes the kids ask for toilet paper and then I have to give them a certain amount), to NOT allowing us to have our phones in our bedroom at night because its too distracting, to putting the LIFE360 app on our phones so he can see where I go when Im not with him (I can see where he goes too, I didnt ask for that though, he's the one that put the app on our phones) I dont care because I have nothing to hide. He just HAS to control everything! Im wondering if this is a Borderline trait or something ELSE he has in addition to BPD?
My life is bizarre
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
earlyL
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 176
Formerly known as "Louise Wilson"
Re: Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING?
«
Reply #1 on:
February 20, 2017, 05:29:33 PM »
I haven't experienced any of these ones, but I did always find it strange that my exBPD would not let me look at her computer, or phone, if she was looking at something then she would hide her laptop straight away. It really bothered me. But then if I was on my computer she always sat and watched whatever I was looking at. It was like she had no concept of herself doing the opposite.
Logged
Sluggo
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced 4 yrs/ separated 6 / Married 18 yrs
Posts: 599
Re: Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING?
«
Reply #2 on:
February 20, 2017, 09:14:57 PM »
Wife in Oz,
Yes that sounds all to familiar. Some of the things were for me that I voluntarily complied with to keep the anger away... . had to call her immediately when I left work and talk to her the entire way home (so she would not I was not talking with anyone else such as family, I had to have the light switches flipped the 'correct way'... we had two light switches that controlled the same light so anytime you would flip one it would either turn off the light if it was on (or vice versa), she planned our weekends, she planned our evening routine, she would not let me have my phone with me in my pocket it had to be in the kitchen, I could not read any books while in bed it was only for sleeping, kids had to eat their meal in order -veggies, meat, then drink, then dessert, had to be home at 5pm sharp every night. i would get lectured even if it was 5:01, she had to read any text messages before I sent to family, after a while she would start writing the messages for me, could not have the music too loud, etc, etc
Never had the toilet paper rule... .
Logged
Dragon72
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 422
Re: Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING?
«
Reply #3 on:
February 20, 2017, 11:25:40 PM »
A million times yes!
My wife has to be in control of EVERYTHING!
A recent example: she sent me and our son (3) to the market to make some purchases. While I was there it was a beautiful day, so I decided to take a selfie of my son and me. I sent the photo to my parent who, living in another country, love to receive photos of their grandson.
When we got back home, I showed my wife the lovely photo I sent home to my parents. Instead of saying "oh that's nice", she got upset because she wasn't in the photo and told me that from now on, I can only ever send photos of the family if it's of all 3 of us. To leave her out is showing lack of respect, in her eyes.
Her desire for control is all down to her insecurity.
Logged
Hmcbart
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married for 17 years and together for 19.
Posts: 486
Re: Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING?
«
Reply #4 on:
February 21, 2017, 01:34:26 PM »
YES!
She faught tooth and nail to continue controlling everything but I've taken most of that away from her. She was really bad at controlling the finances even though she doesn't work. I used to get criticized to no end over every little thing. All while getting emails and calls from bill connectors saying the bills were past do. That doesn't happen anymore.
Now the only thing she really has control over is our sex life, which she has always controlled and used as a weapon. Still fighting to get some control of that one but I don't foresee it happening.
As far as phone tracing apps and that stuff, she tells everyone including our MC that I'm reading her texts and have her phone bugged. I don't and never have.
Logged
Dragon72
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 422
Re: Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING?
«
Reply #5 on:
February 21, 2017, 02:57:58 PM »
Hmcbart, that bit about her thinking you're spying on her? Pure projection!
Logged
waverider
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7407
If YOU don't change, things will stay the same
Re: Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING?
«
Reply #6 on:
February 21, 2017, 03:14:05 PM »
pwBPD constantly fear loss of control and the unknown. Typically they either use total avoidance or total control to combat this. Allowing uncertainties to just be is threatening.
Hence some have rigid structure and others have no structure, rarely do they have the right balance of structure and flexibility
Logged
Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
isilme
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2714
Re: Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING?
«
Reply #7 on:
February 21, 2017, 03:52:24 PM »
H wants control but no responsibility, so he tends to fall in the avoidance category. He does little to keep things straight day to day, but he will certainly tell me if one dish out of literally hundreds has a speck of dirt, or if I buy the wrong item at the store. He has called me into the bathroom to lecture me about when to replace the roll of paper (he often leaves it empty) or how to break down a box to put it in the trash, and makes many "we should" statements that translate to "you should".
I ahve to admit that based on his state, I follow or ignore his requests. Some are fine, and really mean to make something cleaner, or better. Some are just exerting control over a chore he doesn't even do. So, if he's watching, I try it his way. If is sucks, and he leaves, I go back to mine. If it works better, I keep doing it.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Does your BORDERLINE control EVERYTHING?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...