How do you break up if you've been painted black?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Ok, I posted something very similar on the evaluating a relationship board, but I wonder if this might actually be the best place for this post.

At this point my BPD has painted me black. Very little contact, very cold contact, minimal texting. I am definitely on the outside looking in. And I'm tired. I've been in this relationship for 10 months and while I am heartbroken and struggling I do not have the emotional bandwidth to continue trying to save this relationship.

So my question is this... .am I naive to think that given how far he has pushed me away that "breaking up" could be as simple as me NOT attempting to save it? That I can avoid having to have a confrontational conversation that I fear will become another circular argument where I am being verbally battered or potentially even physically assaulted? (Our breaking point came last week when he backed me against a door and spit in my face) That disengaging and not responding to his communication could be enough?

I know there will never be a one size fits all answer to any of these questions, and I know what I'm suggesting is in many ways passive aggressive and even cowardly. But I genuinely fear that I would not be strong enough to look him in the eye and try to break up even though I know that it's what I need. Any thoughts?

[Lalathegreat]

Ok, I posted something very similar on the evaluating a relationship board, but I wonder if this might actually be the best place for this post.

At this point my BPD has painted me black. Very little contact, very cold contact, minimal texting. I am definitely on the outside looking in. And I'm tired. I've been in this relationship for 10 months and while I am heartbroken and struggling I do not have the emotional bandwidth to continue trying to save this relationship.

So my question is this... .am I naive to think that given how far he has pushed me away that "breaking up" could be as simple as me NOT attempting to save it? That I can avoid having to have a confrontational conversation that I fear will become another circular argument where I am being verbally battered or potentially even physically assaulted? (Our breaking point came last week when he backed me against a door and spit in my face) That disengaging and not responding to his communication could be enough?

I know there will never be a one size fits all answer to any of these questions, and I know what I'm suggesting is in many ways passive aggressive and even cowardly. But I genuinely fear that I would not be strong enough to look him in the eye and try to break up even though I know that it's what I need. Any thoughts?

[jonmnemonic]

Yes, it can be as simple as you walking away but you're better off setting a boundary by stating that it's over.