Taking back our POWER and Control

[Confused108]

Hi guys . I hope everyone is doing well. Last night I was on my Instagram account. Well since my ex disguarded me and blocked me on FB I in a way felt powerless. I really wished I had blocked her 1st. That I will say would have made me feel a hell of a lot better.

Well this was Oct 2015 and I will say I believe she was stalking me. I won't get into that but everyone knows the calls no one there  the fake FB messages etc.

Well since her blocking me on FB I was. It gonna have her have the upper hand in me like that again. So every now and then I would make sure she wasn't on Instagram looking at me photos.

Well last night I found her account. She must have just put it up bc she was not there last week. Also NO pictures just friends  she was following including a string of her ex lovers whom she claimed to me she didn't speak to anymore. Yea one of the many lies she told me.

Anyway I blocked her! I will say that made me feel so friggen Good! I felt like I had gained my Power and control back!

But unfortunately my victory was short lived because no sooner I blocked her 10 min later she deleted her account! I was like what the heck? She disappeared off my blocked user page and is now off Instagram.

I don't know what that was about but I find it strange that I blocked her and now she deleted her account.  

Hmm maybe it's because of the picture I put up before I blocked her if the new person I'm dating?
 
It's weird indeed but made me feel Good!

[SuperJew82]

Being part of a game where she is involved might be keeping you from moving on.

You might try thinking " She isn't worth engaging in a game " or " I don't care if she wins or loses in this power game because I have better things to do with my life"

... .and trust me I've been a victim of this. My ex would find my online dating profile, then create her own with text directed at me such as " people who want to control me for my own good and sociopaths please stay far away" and whatnot. She would visit or "wink" so then I would visit and read it.

It would stupid and luckily when I asked the dating sites if they could make me invisible to her - they just deleted her account instead. (:

-roger

[roberto516]

Thanks for this! Because I have to make sure I'm not on a more positive mindset with the hidden intention of trying to have control. My situation I gave her plenty of control by never leaving her and then begging for her back when I finally did leave and then asked for her back a week later. She can have her delusional control. The sad thing is she will always try to control and never feel like she has any.

[insideoutside]

I know how you feel Confused.

My friend sent me a confusing text 3 weeks ago and then went incommunicado for over 2 weeks with just short replies to my texts to let me know 'everything was ok'.  I set a timeframe of two weeks for him to get in contact with me off his own back and not in response to something I had initiated; he didn't bother so I text him saying it wasn't a good idea to be friends anymore.  His reply to that was for me to grow up and accused me of being drunk!  I assured him I was not drunk and that it was for the best as I had had enough.  He responded with "ok, no worries, take care x".  I didn't respond to that and its been 8 days since the last contact.  As I told him to do one and didn't respond back to his last 'cheery' text I feel like I have the upper hand and have taken control back of the situation. I've normally caved by now and contacted him but I'm not going to this time as I am sick of feeling like I am being used.  

My sentiments are either be my friend or not; stop making out I'm the best person in the world then drop me like a hot potato when something obviously better comes along.

[Skip]

Well this was Oct 2015 and I will say I believe she was... .

I think when we are really wronged and silenced, it builds a certain kind of resentment that can last for a long time. It's one reason I don't often recommend "strict non-contact" (not a term I use, but I see it often). It makes the other person want to retaliate.

When it is done to us, we want to even the score.

People committed to strict no-contact see it as "power". This is an illusion. It is a "crutch". What is the one thing we do with a real crutch. We work hard to obsolete it. Why, because, in a sense, a crutch is "weakness".

Which is more powerful?

  Blocking your ex, thinking about it every day, and then unblocking to take a peak and blocking again?

  Mentally not looking anymore. Letting it go.

  Changing our email address

  Being able to see an incoming email and not be emotionally weakened by it.

Mentally letting go is power... .not over them... .over ourselves.

It takes time. Just a reminder that the goal is "detachment", not "no contact", and not "winning".

[Confused108]

I understand what everyone is saying. And thanks for the time to comment. Each one of us has their own journey with dealing with a loved one who suffers from BPD. Each one of us all have different stories as well. I don't consider this playing a game. My ex is very manipulating. Unfortunatly I didn't figure this out until it was over and I put the puzzle pieces together. I have had a long history with her dating back to being friends at 12 and dating at 14. I won't go into that but blocking her from seeing my stuff weather it be instagrahm Facebook whatever is for me. I want nothing more to do with her at all. This is not game playing. And I don't feel she is playing a game either. It just boils down to her being severely mentally ill and I'm done with that. I decided not to be friends with her after her discard . I do not want that type of toxic person in my life. So I will continue to block her and have no reason to peak at her fake happy life. Blocking a person is NOT a game . So everyone deals with things different. This is how I deal with mine.