My wife who has Bdp has ended our marriage after 11 years

[RBD64]

My wife has just ended our marriage after 11 years without any warning. She has been very cruel to me over the last 2 months, and I suspect that she is seeing someone else. Whe have to children together, I feel like I have been a good husband but that doesn't seem to make any difference.
I know our relationship is over and there is nothing I can do about it and except that fact, but it am in so much pain at the way she doesn't seem to care at all and is over this relationship so quickly.

She has been diagnosed with Bdp. What can I do?

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[heartandwhole]

Hi RBD64,



I'm so sorry that your marriage is ending. That is very painful, especially when it happens so abruptly. I can relate to that shock.    You've come to the right place for support. Members here have been in similar situations and understand what you are going through. And the tools and resources on the site can help you get through this. There IS hope for things to get better for you—even if your marriage is, indeed, ending.

How old are your children? How are they coping with this change?

Keep posting, it really helps to share. We're here to support you.

heartandwhole

[Meili]

I want to join H&W in welcoming you.

You said that she has been very cruel to you over the last two months, what changed?

I know that this will sound counter-intuitive, but perhaps it's a good thing that the old relationship is over. This frees you to start a new relationship with her. In the new relationship, you can change the dynamics by changing your actions, reactions, and the way that you communicate with her.

You asked what you can do; well, one of the best things that you can do is learn all that you can about BPD. There are some great lessons to the right that will help you get started.

Ask as many questions as you feel comfortable asking. As H&W said, we are here to support you. How can we help?

[RBD64]

My wife has just ended our marriage after 11 years without any warning. She has been very cruel to me over the last 2 months, and I suspect that she is seeing someone else. Whe have to children together, I feel like I have been a good husband but that doesn't seem to make any difference.
I know our relationship is over and there is nothing I can do about it and except that fact, but it am in so much pain at the way she doesn't seem to care at all and is over this relationship so quickly.

She has been diagnosed with Bdp. What can I do?

I want to join H&W in welcoming you.

You said that she has been very cruel to you over the last two months, what changed?

I know that this will sound counter-intuitive, but perhaps it's a good thing that the old relationship is over. This frees you to start a new relationship with her. In the new relationship, you can change the dynamics by changing your actions, reactions, and the way that you communicate with her.

You asked what you can do; well, one of the best things that you can do is learn all that you can about BPD. There are some great lessons to the right that will help you get started.

Ask as many questions as you feel comfortable asking. As H&W said, we are here to support you. How can we help?

[Mutt]

Hi RBD64,

I'm sorry to hear that. I can relate with that pain, I went through something similar but my ex is un-diagnosed and we were  married for 4 and together for 7.5 years, 11 years is a long history. How did your w take the diagnosis? How long ago did she get diagnosed, was it the diagnosis that was the catalyst for this recent behavior?

How are you? Are you eating enough, getting enough sleep? Are you having a difficult time at work?

[joeramabeme]

Hi RBD64

Sorry to hear what you are going through.  I went through something similar about 1.5 ago and understand how painful it can be. 

As others have asked, how are you doing with all of this?  How did you find out that she was BPD? 

JRB