boyfriend left me after i kicked him out.. will he ever come back?

[stixstixstix]

(sorry for long post) so me and this guy have been dating for about 2 months and I'm 99% sure he has BPD ... it explains all the erratic and unpredictable behavior as well as the raging ... Well he started living with me almost as soon as we met and i only agreed to it because he was homeless at the time, but i explained many times that i need a lot of alone time and that i only wanted it to be temporary until he could move in with his grandma again. we are both quite codependent though so i was pretty fine with the situation for a while, though overtime he gets angry with me he threatens to leave and it terrifies me. i got tired of it pretty recently because he has started raging a lot more and i won't be treated like that in my own house when i am doing him a favor, so i asked him if he could pack his stuff and stay somewhere else. i love him so much but when he gets angry he says the most hurtful things and it really tears at my self esteem , and i'm not sure how to deal with it. i admit to my side of it too, as i have done a couple things that have hurt him. anyway, i NEVER said i wanted to cut off contact with him at all,and that i could still give him a place to stay when he needed but i didn't want to live with him anymore... but when he came to get his stuff he was the angriest i had ever seen him... he even tried to get in a fight with my best friend who was staying with me that night. he told me that i "was the only thing he had left" and "now he had nothing" after kicking him out, even though he has other friends to stay with. i messaged him on facebook saying i refuse to be treated like that and how heartbroken i was and he never responded. when he finally did respond he said i "Wasted all his time" being with me and that i "haven't really hurt him" even though i have a feeling that is just a front... i told him he broke my heart and how hurt i was from that and how much i miss him and he never responded to that either... so i assume it's over. i think he feels betrayed that i kicked him out and it really hurts me that he would feel this way, and i'm unsure if i have burned the bridge forever. is it common for people with BPD to breakup with people out of the blue and return to them or do you think it's really over? maybe i should distance myself ? i don't know what to do right now, i am in such an incredible amount of pain and just want to tell him how i feel but he never responds, so maybe i should just give him his space... .= [ help?

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[Mutt]

Hi stix,



I'm sorry to hear that. I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I can understand with how he left and his silence would feel like you're on an emotional rollercoaster. It's hard to say what will happen, he did say that he doesn't have anyone else? You may hear from him again when he's returned to baseline, r/s break-up are usually not so cut and dry, sometimes we go through several break-ups before the big one. Is this the first time?

I'm glad that you decided to join us, you'll see that you'll fit right in here, many of here can relate with you and offer you guidance and support, you'll find the basic tools and lessons on the right side of the board. You're not alone.

[stixstixstix]

Hi stix,



I'm sorry to hear that. I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I can understand with how he left and his silence would feel like you're on an emotional rollercoaster. It's hard to say what will happen, he did say that he doesn't have anyone else? You may hear from him again when he's returned to baseline, r/s break-up are usually not so cut and dry, sometimes we go through several break-ups before the big one. Is this the first time?

I'm glad that you decided to join us, you'll see that you'll fit right in here, many of here can relate with you and offer you guidance and support, you'll find the basic tools and lessons on the right side of the board. You're not alone.

Thank you so very much! he does have other places to stay and he's currently staying with a friend, but i think he feels betrayed right now... he was homeless before he started staying with me and i promised i would always give him a place to stay, but i basically got to my breaking point with his mood swings/clinginess (i explained many times that i need my space and him staying there needed to be very temporary) and told him to leave... i've reached out to him several times since then to apologize for my part and have told him how heartbroken i am, and he has gone out of his way to be very hurtful and says that he is better off without me and not hurt at all. he texted me earlier and told me to stop trying to text him so i have left him alone, but i am completely at a loss and in so much pain... i am so confused by his unpredictable behavior = [

[livednlearned]

Hi stix,

I'm sorry you're dealing with this right now. I know how it feels.

He seems to be on an emotional roller coaster right now. This might be a good time to give him some space. People with BPD tend to be quick to trigger and slow returning to baseline.

He doesn't feel good about himself right now (projected onto you) and he's emotionally aroused so trying to sort things out right now might add fuel to the fire.

You could write a short note, "Hey, I'm thinking about you. Let me know when you want to get together."

Neutral, not digging up the fight, just moving forward and being your cool self 

LnL